Metal Steve Reviews Hyper Gunsport

 Hello my faithful fans. Your lord nad savior Metal Steve has returned! Its been a while sinche my last METAL REVIEW but I am back with an unknow game called "Hyper Gunsport." You are not ready for what this gmae is, my loyal minyins! Hyper Gunsport is like volley ball only you use a gun to shoot the ball. I wouldnt have ever guessed that you could add guns to volley ball. So how is the game you might be asking? "Steve, it is worth my hard earned cash?" Well Im sorry to say it is not. And there is one big reason why. The copmpany that made the game is called Necrosoft and they are total amatures! "YOU WANNA PLAY WITH THE BIG BOYS, YOU GOTTA GET OFF THE POTTY FRIST!"

Now befor we go any further let me say this. The game looks great if you like old games, that is. But if your into newer games youll be asking yourself "Whoa, did someone put out a Super Nintendo game in 2023?" The anwser is kind of. Actually the game is more like a system you probabbly dont know about called The Neogeo. "Steve you make this up!" you scream? Neogeo is from the 80s and it was once the strongest machine until Miyamoto at Nintnedo found out about it. "What is this crap?" he probably said. The Neogeo has lame games like a fake super Maroi bros called blue's Journey and its so bad. Thats why Nintendo came ouw with the SUPER NINTENDO to show Neogeo that they are the boss. Miyamoto said "Time to go ful power!" and made Nintendo's most powernful console until the Wii.

Okay, enough aboout Neogeo and Miymoto! We aer here to talk about Hyper Gunsoport! LIke I sadi earlier it is by a company called Necrosoft. Smething you might not know is necro is Japanese for DEATH. So Necrosoft is DEATH software. Thats what we in the industry calll an Easter egg, which is a thing people snake into their games to ge3t credit for their work. The most famous example is a game called Adventure on the Atari 2600 that had some guy put his name in it for peop;le to find and say "What's this?" So soemone at Neocrosoft thinks Easter eggs are cool even if I hate easter!! "YOU'LL NEVER CATCH STEVE IN A BUNNNY COSTUME!" LOl. 

So what is Hyper Gunsport, you mght be asking? Its like badmittin only you shoot a ball with guns and try to score touchdowns or goals. Each team has two pepole and you can select countries like Oalkland USA ("USA! USA!" LOL) or I thiunk Tanzaniya, I'm not sure. I was too busy trying to figure out the controls. You have to use the analogg stick to do some aiming and shooting and it simply does not work. "Come back and tlak to Steve when you get it working with a SUPER NNTENDO controller!" haha. Plus lets not kid ourselves here. Badmittin is a pretty bad game and why Necrosoft chose badmittin is beyond me. Maybe the company President likes badmittin and thought, "What if w e combined badmittin and shooting?" Sodunds good on paper but it just does not work out well. Fire that president! haha

"Steve yuour bumming me out, dude!" you might be saiying. Well, sorrry to say not every game can be as good as Super Mario Odyssie. Hey Necorsoft you got some spare millions of dollarrs lieing around that you can pay to Miyamoto to come help make your game better? It needs some serious polish. Stop tormetning my eyes with these 8-bit graphics! haha. Good thinkg I don't have to see my guitar to play it because these bad graphics are making me blidn. "THREE BLIND STEVES SEE HOW HE RUNS!" And guess what. Nobody likkes music like this game has. Bad graphics and bad music. Maybe next time bring in ol' Steve to play guitar on the music tracks. "FOR A FEE. I AINT FREE!" haha.

So there you have it my loyal subjectss: a review of Hyper Gunsport for the Ninthendo Switch. I bet Miyamoto is mad someone put this game on a consle he took so long to make. Its like one time when Frankie from the band Witch Fire stahed at my aparetment and stained the botton of the toilet bowl. I could not wait for him to leave. That is like Hyper Gunsport on the Nintedo Switch. I hope Neocrosoft knows they should be ashamed for defiling the sport of badmittin so badly!

Well that's all the time we have for today. Thank you for readnig my METAL REIVEW of Hyper Gun Sport. Remember as your pal Metal Steve says: "If youre gonna make an old looking game, you can do a lot betetr than tehe Neogeo!" Save your money fo r something liek a case of beer instead. LOL. Later!

Metal Steve is Back from Prison!

 Hello my faithful followers. Your king Metal Steve is back! Remember when I reuviewed Super Mario Odyssey for the nIntendo Switch and was like "I WILL PROBABLY GOTO PRISON FOR THIS!" well, guess what? Nintendo really do have ninjas they sned to take revenge for spilling all their secrets.. It seems that Miyamoto did not findd it okay that I unveiled the Konami Code. But informahtion wants to be frfee!!!

But don't worry because in prison I lift weights evrey day and got super buff! Haha! I need to pay a visit to "Platimnum" Daniel because he and my (ex!!!) girlfriend Samantha we're hooking up while poor Steve was in the slammer. "DARKNESS, IMPRISONING ME, ALL THAT I SEE, ASBOLUTE HORROR!" An all time classic quote that sums it all up.

So Daniel.. Metal Steve is comign for you! As Metal Steve says: "YOU MESS WITH THE BULLL YOU GET THE HORNS!" Here is a photo of me pretending to be Hagar from Final fIght! Hey Daniel you are the oil drum get it? Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Super Mario Odyssey

Yes, my loayal subjects, your eyes are not playing tricks on you! Well maybe they are, but in that case you probably shoudl go see your eye doctor and say "Hey man! These glasses I paid $200 for are CRAP!" Haha! But indeed, your mighty king Metal Steve stands before you, or beofre his keyboard typing this as you imagine me standing on top of a pile of fallen warriers, my mighty axe held high and Zeus himself giving a look down as if to say I AM IMPRESSED, STEVE!

So I know you are probably asking "Whoat, Steve, you totally abandoned us, man!" Well, your mighty ruler may have been gone bu tit is for good reason, my friends. And I will admit it. Metal Steve was in prison! "THEY WANNA PUT ME IN JAIL. MAN I'M ALREAYD IN JAIL. DONT THEY KNOW MY LIFES JUST ONE.. .BIG... CELL!" Scott Ian from Anthrax was right! Jail sucks! And Migty Talon is no more. That rat bastad "Platinum" Daniel pressed charges against me, the invinicle Metal Steve and it happened oversees so that was even worse. I lost all my gear and I thought my life was over. But now I'm FREE and "Platinum" Daniel is going to be "Tin" Daniel soon if I ever find him because tin is totally weak justt like him and I called him rat bastard but not cool like RATT. Well haha! Actually RATT were never cool. That's a band fat chicks in placse like Wisconsen wear shirts of and durnk guys in bars are like "WHOA I THINK I CAN HAVE SEX WITH THAT! SHE LIKS RATT!" Only guys don't have sex with that becaues she probably at pizza pockets all evening and her gas is probalby worse than her looks without makeup and in full sun light. Haha!

Okay now that you know why yoru fearless leader has been gone all thees years, it is TIME FOR THE SHOW! And yes my loyal subjects, I know Super Mario Odyssey is not available to buy and will not be out at places like Best Byu and Game stop for months but I found a way to get it early. Because I want you to experine this masterpace I am going to tell you a secret.

Back in the 1980's Nintendo made a rule that each company could only releaes 4 games a year on the Nint nedo. The probem was, they guy at Nintendo who makes all the games named Miyamoto made so many games that he said "I can't release just 4, guys!" The President of Nitnendo said "Find a solution. Not my problem!" so Miyamoto put on his thinking hat and said HA! I HAVE IT and made up some fake companies. One company was called Konami and people domn't know that was actually Miymamoto all along but it was! I wish he puled off a mask and said "Guess who?!" like a Scoobie Doo episode! Haha!

When Miyamoto was making games pretenging to be other companies he decided to create a trade makr to show it was him. This was what is called an "Easter Egg" in video games. The first Easter Egg gave you 30 lives in the shooter Gradius. And you all know this code! And that is how I got Super Maroi Odyssey. More on that in a second, my hungry followsrs. Patience is a virtue! Haha!

So in Gradius you pressed Up Up Down down Left right letf Right A B and some pepple say Start but that is actually no important! And you know what happens? Miyamoto left you a present. 30 lives! Do it in any Konami game and you get 30 lives! Now Dracula won't seem to hard in Castlevania right? "WIMPS AND POSERS! LEAVE THE HALL!" AhHa!

Your boss MetalSteve is not to oashamed to admit he is back at home with his parents untl he gets on his feet again. Prison sucks! And prison in the forign lands if the worst! But the goo d news is my dad gave me a loan and I was able to buy a Nintndo Switch! And it is Miyamaoto's best work yet. The man is a genius and his newst game you haven't played is his best game yet. Yes, friends, Metal Steve is talking about Super Mario Odyssey and this is my METAL REVIEW of Super Mario Odysessy for the Nintendo Switch!

"But Steve! You dind't tell us how to get it!" Haha! I wanted to leav emy own "Easter Eagg" but I'll tell you. Maybe go back to school and pay attention instead of smoking pot in the bathroom and trying to look down girls shirts all day. Wait, that's what I did and I turend out fine! Haha. "SMOKING IN THE BOYS ROOM IS WHAT I DO BEST!" That's a rap vocal for all of you rap guys! Haha! But the Beasutie Boys are kind of rock and started as punk. I bet you didn't know that. "What Steve, you are blowing my midn today man!" "I BLOW MINDS FOR A LIVING!"

If you open the Nintendo Switch shop you will find Miyamoto's greatest "Eastre Egg" ever. You need to ciscover it yourself but here is a big hint. Go to the previw of Supe rMario Odyssey. See it? Okay, now remember that "Easter Egg" from Gradius. ONl insteady of 30 lives, you get SUPER MARIO ODSSYEY! YES! Haha! Please, stop bowing and chanting my name! "STEVE! STEVE! STEVE! STEVE! STEVE~!" Okay you can keep chanting. Haha!

So how is the gmae? It is Miyamoto's greatest accomplsihm. The graphics, the music, the controls. it is the best video game mankind has ever seen. Nintendo will probably kill me for telling you how to get it early, but Miyamoto left that there for us to find didnt he? The President of Nintendo is probably yelling "MIYAMOTHO! NOT AGAIN!" and hsaking his fist and Miyamoto is running ahead of him laughing.

Your knight in shining armor Steve does not want to spoil the game, but just so you know Mario's hat is a little differeent this time. I'll give you a sneak peek: It has eyes. Yes! And Mario can throw it! Not only that but Mario is going to travel to places he has enver been in a Mario game. And he will see things he hasn enver seen in a Mario game. "STEVE! TELL US MORE!" you scream? Okay, one more secret: He can jump; on taxis! Wait. I have said too much. Ninteodno will send their ninjas to get me! haha! That is the price I pay for my fans.

Now that you have read my METLA REVIEW of "Supe rMario Odyssey" you kmnow it is Miyamoto's fimnest hour and might evne know how to play it NOW instead of waiting until 2018! Jsut remember to use Miyamoto's famous Konami Code and you will be all set. Remember, as your commanding officer Metal Steve says: "IF YOU THOUGHT MARIO WAS SUPER BERFORE, JUST WAIT UNITL YOU GET TO THROW YOUR HAT AT ENEMIES AND RUN AROUND IN NEW YORK!" Until nex ttime, this is the great Metal Steve signing off. Hopefuplly I'll see you before I got to prison again after I get my revenge on "Platinium" Daniel. haha! Later!

E3 Survival Guide in Three Easy METAL TIPS

Greetings, my faithful fans. Your buddy Metal Steve is back once again to be the guiding light in your hour of need. You were probably thinking, “I am but a lost sheep without a shepherd” but never fear, for Shepherd Steve is here to show you where to find the tastiest grass to munch upon and possibly find some cute girl sheep to mount, unless you’re a girl sheep, in which case I’ll find you a studly man sheep to mount you. Well, not mount, but go to a video games convention, actually! Haha!

The Electronics Entertainment Expo (or E3 as we call it in “the biz” haha!) is going to be here in almost no time, and you might have your bags all packed and are ready to go, but you don’t know what to expect. You might be like, “Do I need to bring my business cards?” or maybe “What hotel should I stay in?” Those are the tips you can find anywhere, even from amateurs. I won’t waste your time with that type of stuff.

Instead, your king Metal Steve is here to give you my E3 Survival Guide in Three Easy METAL TIPS you won’t find anywhere else. LISTEN, YOUNG GRASSHOPPER, AND LEARN FROM YOUR GUITAR-PLAYING MASTER. So, without further ado, let’s dig into the secret E3 tips that you won’t find in Nintendo Power, Gamepro, or any other favorite video game magazine you probably have stacked up by your toilet to read when you’re dropping the kids off at the pool, so to speak. Haha!

Tip 1: Scare Away the Homeless

E3 takes place in downtown Los Angeles, which is crawling with homeless people. The video games industry makes billions of dollars every month, and the homeless know this. They swarm around the Los Angeles Convention Center and won’t let video games journalists and video games developers into the Convention Center without giving them some money.

Getting asked for change by bums doesn’t sound like a big deal, right? You might even be ready to stop reading my tips and give me a lecture by saying, “Steve, you’re wasting my time. Anyone can give bums money.” But slow down just a minute there, partner, because Cowboy Steve can tell you that these homeless are of a different variety than the usual crop. THEY’RE LIKE ZOMBIES: THEY JUST KEEP COMING AND COMING! If you give one of them some change, two more will rise up and demand even more money. It’s endless! Look out behind you! Haha!

The best way to clear a path through these beggars is to scare them away. This is easier said than done for most video games journalists, because most of them are out of shape and don’t usually get much sunlight, so they’re chubby, pasty wimps and when the homeless descend upon them, they end up giving away most of their money and sometimes other possessions like watches and phones as well in fear of their safety. TAKE WHATEVER YOU WANT, JUST SPARE MY LIFE! It’s pathetic! Haha!

Meanwhile, your captain Metal Steve has no problem. Before I played in my current band Mighty Talon, I briefly played rhythm guitar and handled lead vocals in a death metal band called Casket of Serpents. I just heard you gasp. “You are the legendary Steve Serpent from Casket of Serpents!?” Yes, guilty as charged. Haha! If you know of Casket of Serpents, you no doubt remember our song, “Defiler of the Departed” – a song that I personally wrote the music and lyrics to even though my ex-bandmate Jacob “Prison of Pins” Richards broke up our band when he tried to copyright all the music like he wrote it.

Whenever I find myself surrounded by an army of crazy homeless guys, I just break into the lyrics of “Defiler of the Departed” with my raspy death vocals and the bums know to keep their distance. I’m like Moses, but instead of parting red water I’m parting crazy drunk people who want money from me. CLEAR A PATH FOR YOUR KING!

Please feel free to use the following sample of the lyrics for your own needs – Just don’t try to rip me off like Jacob Richards did:

You sit in a chair, slumped off to the side.
It doesn’t matter to me the way that you died.
I’m just here for fun, and it’s only beginning.
Your face is all rotten, it’s looks like you’re grinning.

Defiler! Defiler of the Departed!
Defiler! And I’ve only just started.

I take out my knife and begin with a cut.
Cover you with paper, you look like King Tut.
But mummy you’re not, my plaything you are.
Let’s put on a play, you’ll be the star.

Tip 2: Bring Condoms

Yes, you read that right, my disbelieving readers. You might be like, “Whoa Steve, what do condoms have to do with a video games convention?” Well, my innocent disciples, E3 might be a video games convention, but you can pretty much expect to get laid when you’re there if you play your cards right. At least, you’ll probably get laid unless you’re some type of weird religious dude or chick that doesn’t have sex before marriage, and in that case, what are you doing playing video games? VIDEO GAMES ARE THE DEVIL’S PLAYTHING. Haha! Actually, I’m just kidding. He probably likes baseball or something like that. Who knows?

Anyway, as anyone who has been to E3 can tell you, there are lots of girls at every booth called “Booth Babes” who flirt with all the video games journalists at E3 and very often they end up having sex with the video games journalists so they’ll give a game a good preview. Sounds great, right? I can hear you yelling, “Steve, I can’t wait! I wish E3 was right now!” But wait you must, my citizens, because unless you bring condoms, you’ll be sorry.

See, the Booth Babes are actually strip club dancers and prostitutes that companies hire to work at E3. These are women that have sex for a living, and they know what they are there to do. REPRESENTATIVES OF THE WORLD’S OLDEST PROFESSION REPORTING FOR WORK! Haha! Don’t be afraid to bring one of these ladies of the night back to your hotel room, but use protection. To quote the wise sage Billy Milano from the bands S.O.D. and M.O.D.: “No Glove No Love!” Nobody wants to experience anything like the rumored 2006 Gamespot Gonorrhea Outbreak! Painful!

Tip 3: Expect to Get Bribed

It’s pretty much a well-known fact that most video games journalists receive money to give games good scores. Remember when IGN gave that sucky kung-fu game a 10/10 score when it should have been a 6/10? You do the math on that one! No really, you do the math. Your leader Metal Steve hates math and used to force nerds to do his math homework for him in high school. WHEN YOUR CALLING IS TO SHRED, ALGEBRA GETS IN THE WAY. Luckily, math has nothing to do with metal, and now I’m in the band Mighty Talon and those dweebs that did my homework are probably working in some boring office somewhere. Haha!

So, back to what I was saying, games journalists don’t make a lot of money, so they rely on the game publishers to help pay the bills. Nobody ever got rich being a video games journalist, except maybe if they do something like write a book like that guy who wrote a Wii book for special education people. But what about the rest of the video games journalists? Most of them receive bribes, which we here in the industry refer to as “moneyhats,” because often times game companies line hats with $20 bills and give them to video games journalists.

I can see the look on your face. Well, I can’t really see it, but I can guess you kind of look like you found out that your girlfriend has been sleeping with some crazy homeless guy on the corner outside the Los Angeles Convention Center. “Hey Steve, I can’t believe what I’m reading. Don’t tell me you accept bribes!” Worry not, for I’m proud to say that your emperor Steve has never even been offered a bribe from any game company. They know that Metal Steve cannot be bought with their dirty money! MONEY TALKS, AND METAL STEVE WALKS! Haha! But you know what? Rent is due soon and I might be a little short this month, so if game companies have any spare moneyhats lying around, you know where to send them. Just kidding. Maybe. Haha!

Have Fun at E3!

Well, my loyal subjects, the time has come for Metal Steve to mount his mighty steed and ride off into the sunset. The day has been saved and you now know how to survive the madness that is called E3 with the METAL TIPS I gave you that you won’t find anywhere else. Don’t come crying to me saying, “Oh no, Steve, I forgot to follow Tip 2 and now I have syphilis. What do I do now?” because I’ll just laugh at you and tell you that maybe you should go apply to work at Gamespot or something! Haha!

Remember to have fun at E3, and don’t believe all the previews you read because most of those video games journalists probably received moneyhats and had sex with prostitutes in exchange for writing good things about those games! SEX, MONEY, AND VIDEO GAMES! Haha! Look for me at the show! But should our paths not cross, remember what your pal Metal Steve says: “It might seem nice to get money and have sex so you will write something good about a bad game, but you’ll be sad if you end up with crabs and the only thing you have to show for it is writing that the new Turok game looks awesome.” Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Super Mario Galaxy 2

I'm sorry for my absense, faithful fans, but your old buddy Metal Steve's life has been a total whirlwind lately LITERALLY. haha! First, my band Mighty Talon might be on the verge of a breakup thanks to our stpuiod lead singer "Platinum" Daniel getting married. He called me the other day and was like, 'Hey Steve I think I can't come to practiec this week because my wife wants me to be home with her" and I was like "WHAT THE HELL?" There is a saing rap guys like to use that I think is approprriate here: "BRO'S BEFORE HO'S." Well, when I told that to "Platinum" Daniel he got all mad and was like "Steve come on man don't call Donna a ho" and I wasl ike "Later!" and hung up on him. But the thing is nobody cna really sing like "Platinum" Daniel so I don't know what to do now. Maybe you the fans can advise me! What about Mighty Talon as an all instrucmental band? Would you like that? "CAST YOUR VOTE, MY LEGIENS!" haha!

Well, you are pobably wondering how I'm able to write a METAL REVIEW of a game that's not even in stores yet? Well let's just say your fearless leader Metal Steev has a trick or two up his slevse and a contact at a certain big video game company that rhymes with Intendo! haha! So yes, the wait is over, I am hereby proud to unveil the first review ever of Super Mario Galxy 2 and not just a review, but a METAL REVIEW at that! You won't find a review in your copy of Gamepro or Nintendo Power, I will tell you that! haha! At least not yet because I'm sure at some point they will get what we in the video game industyr call "Review Copies" of the game but for now gameriffs.blogspot.com is your only place to find any indpeth info9rmation about Super Mario Galaxy 2. So let's go on with this already! "TAKE IT FROM THE TOP!"

Now I must warn you that Ninteodo is going to be totally PISSED that I'm going to blow the lid off this game, so to speak but thats what happens when you are the top video game writer. You have to take one for the team! But did you know Ninteodo is really run by gangsters from Japan? It's true! They are led by the Japanese gang called Yakuza and Yakuza might see my METAL REVIEW and say "We need to getthis guy for spililng the beans!" and so if you don't hear from me maybe Yakuza has gotten me! Also Nintendo has gangsters here in the USA too! It's the truth and its kind of scary! At E3 years ago, which is this big event where all the vidoe game journalist learn about new video games Nintendo brougth out this big black guy named Reggie who cussed at the crowd and scared every one. He was like "Fuck You my name is Reggie!" and told everyone he was going to kick thier ass! This is real you can find a You Tube video to see it if you want! When I heard that I wasl ike, "Whoa, I thought Nitnendo was a kid's company" but now I know better. They are gangsters! haha!

So gangsters like money, right? "WE'RE ONLY IN IT FOR THE CASH BABY!" I think that's how a rap song goes. Well Super Mario Galaxy the originla one was the biggest selling game on Wii and Nintendo said "Let's make another one and make lot's of money!" but the guy who made it named Miyamoto who is the wordl's best video gamde designer wanted to do something new. But his boss said "We need to make money or Yakuza will get mad" so he was forced to make another one. Lucky for us he did though because Super Mario Galaxy 2 is the best game Nitnendo has ever made. If you take all of the good stuff from the Super Mario Galaxy and double or tripe it you have Super Mario Galaxy 2. The game takes place in space like the first Super Mario Galayx but there are all kinds of new planetts to go to and new people to see.

Now I don'tw antto spoil too much for you but I will tell you one big suprise that Nintendo hasn't told anyone yet. In SuperMario Galaxy 2 there is a return of a certain green friend from some old games. You are probably like "But Steve Luigi was in teh last game!" No I'm not takling about Luigi! I don't wnat to give it away but let's just say it is a certain dinosaur that you can ride and eat bad gusy with and lucky for you he can live in space just like Mario. Seriously how do thees guys not need air? "IT'S A MEE MAGICAL MARIO! I CAN A BREATH IN SPACE!" haha! You heard it here first folks. I bet your copy of Gameprop didn't have that juicy bit of information in it! "METAL STEVE TO THE RESCUE!"

The game is really long and will keep you bussy for a really long time. My secret friend at Nitnenod gave me the game almost a week ago and I have been woking very hard to finish it and finally I got most of the stars. Some of them are kind of imposssible though and I have to say "MIYAMOTO WHY DID YOU MAKE THIS PARTS SO HARD?!?!" haha! But the guy is a genius so I wont question hsi work. Since I haven't gotten every start I don't know if it unlocks anything special if you get every star but I think it probably does. But since I'm so good at video games and I haven't gotten every star it will probably be hard for average players to get every star. But my advice is keep trying. 'ONLY THE WEAK GIVE UP!" haha!

So now you have read the first review of Super Mario Galaxy 2 and lucky for you it was a METAL REVIEW from your most trutsted source Metal Steve. Just remember you king Metal Steve will never lead you asatray and my final word on this game is "GET $50 AND GO BUY THIS GMAE THE DAY IT COMES OUT IN STORES OR YOU WILL BE SORRY!" Yes the game is that good. Miyamoto has out done himself even if he was forced to maek this game for money and lucky for us we now have the best Nintedno game ever made to play. Syure it might seem impossible to get every last star but I have a feeling that when you do it'll be worth it. Remember, as your friend Metal Steve says, "IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCEED TRY TRY AGAIN AND YOU WILL GET EVERY LAST STAR!" Now I'm off to get the last few stars myself so I'm signing off. And hopefully Yakuza or Reggie don't get me! haha! Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Muscle March

Buckle your seatbleslts everyone because Metal Steve has a crazy tale that has transpired since last we met in my METAL REVIEW of Muramasa The Demon Blade for the Nintendoi Wii. You see, not only did I break up with my girlfriend or should I say EX-GLIRFRIEND Samantha but now I need to find a new drummer for my band Mighty Talon because I kicked our drummer Eric out of the band! A lot has transpired since the last 24 hours folks and Metal Steve is here to tell you the tale but hey I know you come here for METAL REVEIWS too so your pal Metal Steve will quickly tell you what transpired then get on with a METAL REVIEW for you! Okay, so let's do this. "SIR PLEASE RELAY WHAT HAPPENED MY KING!" And indeed I will! haha!

Last night Samantha told me she's sad she can't get pregnant after trying so much and I was like, "hey baby, I guess you girls just can't swim" and she got all upset and told me I wasn't being suppoirutifve and that I was going to make a terrible father. So that got me angry and I wsa like "Youi know what, why don't you go make a baby yourself then!" and then told her that hse was probably the problem because I can get plenty of chicks pregnant if I wanted. She told me to get out and yeah, well, whatever. You know the rest. No need to bore you with the detail of what transpired beyond that! haha! Just jsut say that your pal Steve is know on the market so if your girolfriend or wife breaks up with you to go for a rock star guitar player in the band Mighty Talon don't come crawling to me in tears because you hvae been warned! haha! LOL!

By now you might be saying "Whoa, Steve, where is the METAL REVIEW you promised us. Don't leave suhanging here!" and to that I say, "Patience is a virtew my loyal subjects just hang tight I'm getting to it!" haha! So I wnet to crash at my drummer Eric's apartment and he was playing his Nintendo Wii when I got there but what my eyes witness, my loayal subjects I cannot even dare describe. But because you come to yoru pal Metal Steve for his famous METAL REVIEWS I will be brave nad describe the horrible sights my eyes saw.

Eric was playing this game called Muslce March where you have to mke these gay muscle guys march through walls. Now beofre you get upset nad say "Steve, don't call people gay that's mean!" remember that I totally support gays and if I could vote I'd totally vote to let them even get married! Mighty Talon even played at a gay bar once and to the gay's credit they didn't even try to have sex with any of us because they knew we were straight and liked chicks! So you can say that Steve is even a supporter of gays. But that doens't mean I want to watch some gay msucle guys run through walls.

I was like "Eric let's play something else" but he was totally hypnotised by those guay muscle guys as they ran through walls and I was like "Eric, dude you've got to stop man, you can't watch this stuff any longer." Its not that Eric was playing a gay game that got me mad it's thatt the game is totally stupid and you just make gay muslce guys run through walls and that is totally stupid. I was like, "Who made this game?" haha! It turns out Namco Bandai made the game and even though I respect them for making other good games Muscle March is enguhgh to make me thinkg "Whoa, there si something in the water at Namco Bandai that is making them make sucky games about muslce guys who are gay running throguh walls!"

I told Eric he could choose between his precious Muscle March or playing drums for Mighty Talon and he was like "Steve you ca'tn be serious" and I was like, "Oh yes I am." Well, you can probably guess why Eric is no longer the drummer for Mithy Talon! haha! "WE ONLY WANT REAL MUSICIANS, NOT FREAKS." He was like "Nobody would kcik me out of a band for playing a game" and I was like "Watch me!" and slammed the door before going to my singer "Platinum" Daniel's house to crash. When I told him that I kicked Eric out of the band he was like "You did the right thing Steve, we dnon't need a guy like that behind the kit." haha!

So now you have read my METAL REVIEW of why Muslce March for the Nintendo Wii is a bad game and shouldn't be played. Even if you are gay and like looking at gay muscle guys I would say to avoids this game beacuse all you do is make gay msuachle guys run through walls and that is totally stupid! Namco Bandai should be ashamed of themslelves for making such a sucky game, but hey I guess they thought that many gay guys would like Muslce March but I don't think any self respecting gay guy would play a game like Muscle March so I thinkg you should avoid it, evne if you are gay! Remember, as your pal Metal Steve says, "BEING GAY IS OKAY, BUT PLAYING A SUCKY GAME JUST BECHAUSE IT IS GAY IS NOT A GOOD IDEA!" haha! Well, until nex titme, this is your pal Metal Steve signing off. And watch out ladies because Metal Stev eis officially on the prowl! LOL! Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Muramasa The Demon Blade

Hey everyone. Your faithful captain Methal Steve is back and ready for more action! haha! I bet you were like, "Whoa, Steve musthave died or something becaues he's never posting on Game Riffs any more" and your RIGHT! I am a zombie RAAAAH STEVE WILL EATH YORU BRAINS SO LOOKOUT EVERYONE! RAAAAAH! BRAINS! Lol! Just kidding, I'm not a zombie but I will still eat your brain methaphorically speaking with the greatness of my new METAL REVIEW of the Nintendo Wii game Muramasa The Demon Blade. So get ready my victims of zombei apocalpyse because Steve is here to BRING BACK THE MTAL. "LET'S DO THIS RIGHT THE FIRST TIME CAPTIAN!!" haha!

But hold up a minute, my faithful fans. You are probably like "Steve, what's going on? Why haveh you apandoned me!?" Don't cry my dear friens because the truth of the matter is Steve was too busy to playvideo games to write reviews. What has your vaforite game reviewer been up to? EATINB RAINS OF CORUSE! haha. Just kidding! LoL! No, I was busy with my band Mighty Talon working on a new blum that may or may not be out in stores this year. And of coruse I've been busy with my girilfriend Samantha who if all goes accoring to plan will be what the rap guys' call my "Baby's Mama" very soon! So fear not, loyal subjects of KINGDOM STEVE, your king has not been wasting his time. METAL AND SEX FOREVER!! haha!

So let's get back on topic here because I do'nt have all day here and neither do you, although you aren't in a band like me or have as much tiem in bed with hot chicks like me. They don't call me "ALL NIGHT STEVE" for nothing, let me tell yuou! haha! So anyway Muramasa the Demon Blade is a new Nintendo Wii game that appearls to us "OLD SCHOOL GAMERS" like me because it has amazing 2D graphics. The makers of the game had to get special persimmon from Nintendo to make such good graphics. The guy who made Muramasa the Demon Blade called Nintendo and was like, "Hey, sorry to beat you at your own game guys but we have this new game and it looks beter than yours! But let us release it anyway OK?" haha! But Nintendo took one look at the game and was like, "Whoa, video game players must paly this because this is incredible. You have our permission" and now you know how the guys who made Muramasa The Demon Balde got away with making such a good looking game.

But one thing that is importaht ist hat Muramasa The Demon Blade has 2D graphics. I think Ive explained this before but just in case I'll let you know that games come in two types, 2D and 3-D. The 2D games are the kind us "OLD FOGEYS" grue up playing, you know stuff like Mario before Suepr Mario 64 and old games like that. 3D is stuff like Super Mario 64 and everyting after that because Nintendo invented 3D games with Super Mario 64 and everyone else was like "Whoa guys, tha'ts awesome can we do that?" and now eveyrone does 3D games although they have to pay Nintendo a royalty to make 3D games becasue Nintendo owns the patenent on 3D.

Muraumasa the Demon Blade takesp lace in Ancient Japan where there are samurais and ninjas at every turn. "LOOK OUT A NINJA IS CREEPING DOWN RIGHT BEHIND YOU TO KILL YOU AAAAH!" haha! I made you look diden't I? Muramasa the Demon Blade is a great 2D game with samurais and ninjas that want you dead but there's no reason to worry. You might say, "How can I stand up to ninjas and samurais?" nad the answer is you have THE MURAMASA DEMON BLADE to slash them all down with! It would be cool if there were nunchicks you could use too but you can't have it all.

WEll I hope you enjoyed my METAL REVIEW of Muramasa the Demon Blade for the Nintedno Wii and know why it is the best 2D game on the Nintendo Wii! I hope yo can forgive you pal Metal Steve for being away for so long buty like I said I was busy making metal and ahem "GETTING BUSY." Not only will I soon rule the record stors with my new CD soon but I might be ruling the father of the year charts too if I can get Samantha pregnant soon! haha! I don't knwo if I even want to be a dad but Samantha wants a baby and plus I heard woman's breast get bigger when they are pregnent so you know what I say to that? "BONUS!" So until next time my faithfull followers, this is your commander in chief Metal Steve signing off. Remember, as Metal Steve says: "NINJAS AND SAMURAIS ARE NO MATCH FOR THE DEMNO BLADE!" Oh and one more thing. "BRAAAAAINS METAL STEVE WANTS TO EATHTYOUR BRAAAAAIINNNS!!!" haha! Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Space Invaders

Greetings my fellow video game citizens it is yoru pal Metal Steve back for another review! This time I'm going to dig deep into the vlaut and bring you a game that you might have forgotten even existhed or if you're a kid you didn't even know existed at all! But before I address that let me quickly talk about one of my loyalfans who seems to have become upset. "THIS IS MUTINY I TELL YOU!" haha! OK now on to business this fan is named Mike Sidekick and he complianed that my spelling is terrible and that my reviews are bad. Whoa partner, Steve's gotta put an end to this. OK I admit that when I get going sometimes my spelling gets a little messed up but hey I'm a busy man and I only write my METAL REVIEWS when time permits and trust me time is not permittingmuch lately with my bjsy schedule recording new music. I mean hey gusy, do you wnat game reviews and awesome metal music or do you want both? Both, that's what I thought. So I'm sorry Mike Sidekick but you might have to deal with a few spelling errors in exchange for the best video game information available, I hope we can agree on that! If not, OFF WITH HIS HEAD! KIND STEVE HAS SPOKEN! haha! But I would have expected more from some one with his own website. But that is engouh of that, let's get on with the show and get to my METAL REVIEW of, are you ready? Space Invaders for the arcade! IN SPACE NOONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREM!! haha!

So you might be syaing to yourself, "Hey I think this game sounds familiar but I can't put my finger on what it is, is it a game I know?" Well my loyal fans, I think you may know this game very well indeed. See, Space Invaders came out from a company called Taito who were a company from Japan in the 1970s, I think the year was 1978 but don't quoet me on that! haha! Anyway Taito had this idea for the game when their president saw a UFO one night and was like, "Whoa what if aliens from space came a nd invacded our planet, wouldn't that be crazy?" Well, luckily for video game fans this president from Taito told his company, "I have an idea. Let's make a game bout space invaders" and they said "OK, sir, but what should we call it?" and he said, "Let's keep it simple and call is Space Invaders." So they made a game where invaders from space invaede the Earth! Oh no! Humans are exctinct! haha! Not to worry, my faithful servants because all hope is not lost. Taito said, "Lets make this fun and let the player blast the alients from space" and gave you a gun at the bottom of the screen to blast the aliens with. PAYBACK IS A BITCH. haha!

Space Invaders for the arcade was a big hit because during 1978 people were really scaerd fo invaders from space because UFO's were everywhere during 1978. Like, people saw UFOs in Mexidco and Spain and other places where they speak Spanish and even in the United States in Egnlish parts too. They were like, "Oh man I hope the aliens don't invade" but Space Invaders was like training to them and people got ready for the big alien invastion. Taito knew they had a big hit on their hand but since they were from Japan they sold the game to Atari who made a new Space Invadres for the Atari 2600 or Video Computer Enterhtainment System as it is sometimes called by game writhers like me. Don't get confused though, becauses they are the same game system. YOU SAY POTATO I SAY TOMATO! haha! Atari sold over 2 million copies of Space Indvaers for the Atari 2600 and when you think about how many millons of copies Taito sold for the arcade you know that Space Invaders is a huge game.

So you might be saying, "Hey STeve, whatever happended to Space Invaders?" Well I'm glad you asked. There were a lot of sequels but nobody played them becuase they weren't any good, that is until this year when a new Space Invaders called Space Invaders XTREME for the Nintendo DS came out. But a lot of people didn't buy it becuase it was $20 and they said, "Whoa this must be sucky" but trust me, my readers of Gameriffs, it is anything but sucky! It is kind of techno and flashy though, so if you hate techno or get seisures or something you won't want to play it! But my advice is put on a METAL album and turn down the volume and blast the alien invaders until there are none left to blast. Annighilate them all! haha! 

Oh and let your pal Steve give you a quick tip here. Did you know that in Space Invaders there are shdiels can protect you from the alien invaders and their lasers? Of course you did if you knew about Space Invaders, anyway. But what you may not know is that you can blst through the shields. I know you might be saying, "Thanks for the lame tip Steve, now I don't have a shield" but the trick is that you don't blast the whole thing but just enough to get your lasters through to blast the alien invaders and top them dead in their tracks. That way ther eis still shield left for you to take cover but you can still blast the aliens with your lasers through the small hole in your shield. Not a lot of people know about htis strategy but since I'm a nice guy and in a good mood I thoguth I'd share. But just don't go beating my high score or there will be hell to pay! haha!

So now you have read my METAL REVIEW of Space Invaders for the arcade and I also gave some informaiton about Space Invaders for the Atari 2600 or Video Computer Entertainment Sysstem as we in the video game industry sometimes call it. It might be a pretty old game but its still pretty fun to play even if the graphics are kind of bad and the aliens are sort of slow. Be sure to use my secret stretgy and you will succedd in stopping the aliens from landing on earth. The fate of humans rest on your shoulder! haha! Oh, and for Mike Sidekick I hope this review had good enough spelling for you but if not maybe you should go back and work on your web site some more because those of us with web sites have a duty to our fans to provode the best information we can and you shouldn't let your fans down! OK my faithful fans, this is your friend and leader Metal Steve signing off for now. Remember as Metal Steve says, "THE ALIENS WILL NOT LAND AS LONG AS I HAVE MY SPECIAL SECRET STRATEGUY!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews The Korg DS10

Hello to all my fans sorry for the delay but like I said last time Ive been sso busy working on a new album for my badn Mighty Talon that I haven’t had much time to work on my web site. But never fear my loyal subjects for King Steve is back to reclaim his thorne and bring video game news and reviews for all my readers. “DO NOT WORRY FOR KNG STEVE IS BACK TO BRING PEACE TO THE KINGDOM!!” haha! So let’s get to the point of you coming to read my wb site and learn more about a game you are interested in. You are probably saying “Hey Steve what game are you ttaling about?" Well I won't hold you in ssupense any longer. Today I will be giving you my METAL REVIEW of the Korg DS10 for the Nintendo DS. It is supposdly a "REAL INSTRUMENT" but can it stand up to Mighty Talon's fearless leader Metal Steve? That is th e question! haha! "NO MORE STALLING HAVE AT YOU!"

Before I go any further I juswtant to point otu that I didn't buy this game. I know you are probably thinking "Whoa Steve is kind of one of those pop guys now that he has some keyboard!" because Mighty Talon never used keyboards but hey, don't look at me! haha! I didn't buty this game. No, my fans this was a gifvht from my girlfriend Samantha for Christmas. I don't even like Chrshtmas because Mighty Talon is METAL thus we "HAIL SATAN!" haha! Just kidding we're not a Satancic band I promise but we play harder and fastre than even the most Satanic metal band and we consider them our METAL BROTHERS. ""BROTHER SOF TRUE METAL PROUD AND STANDING TALL!" haha! So anyway on Christmas Samantha was like "Htye Steve merry Chrsitmas" and I was like "Oh crap I dforgot to get her something!" haha! She was kind of mad but then I serendaded her with my guitar and she was happier. Hey man, don't think Steve is any lses METAL for doing that though. Having sex with chichks is kind of more METAL than even playing as fast as I do with Mighty Talon and if I have to play soothnng music for Samantha on Christmas to score then I guess that makes me a sissy! haha!

Now on with the show!The Korg DS10 for the Nintendo DS is a keyboard for the Nintendo DS that lets you make techno or pop music if that is what you liek even if you shoudl instead be making METAL but you can't even loop a decent metal drum sound! I feel kind of bad that Samantha bougth this for me but it's like "Hey baby, I'm METAL and you can't change my true nature!" But just to be nice I horseda round with the Korg DS10 and it is actually kind of fun if you like to just goof off and make stupid music. don't worry, my loyal fans, I'm not going to releahse a soft rock or techno album or anthing like that! haha! Can you imagine "METAL STEVE'S EASY LISTENING ALBUM NOW AVAILABLE FROM STORES" Not! haha!

The Korg DS10 is a little confusign to figure out untless you have musical talenb tut thankfully I have musical knowledge and was able to figure it out. But people will probably buy it thinking its like Guitar Hero or Rock Band, both of which are sucky anyway! And then they will be all, "Wait the Korg DS10 sucks!" but it's because they dont have musical talent or know how to play music. But I can't give my thumbs up to the Korg DS10 because unless you listen to the Cure or something and think keyboards are better than guithars but if that is the case you probably sit in the corner all day and cry about how the world is sad because you're so emo and nto METAL enough to be like a man and face your problems! "WAH HOT TOPIC DIDN'THAVE THE SHIRT I WNAT FOR ME TO BUY SO NOW I'M LISTEN TO MORRISEY AND CRYING!" haha! I guess Korg DS10 for the Nintendo DS is something that msuicuans may like but really. You should just buy a guitar and learn to play a real instrument instead of a keyboard that the Nintendo DS plasy for you! But if you go buy the Korg DS10 I won't laugh too much at you because at least its real music and not fake music like Wii Music for the Nintendo Wii, but I won't be suproised if you also buy a copy of Tiger Beat or something too! haha!

So now you know why the Korg DS10 is better than Wii Music and Rock Band and Guitar hero but its still not a really good instrument when compard to a guitar because a guitar requires more talkent and skill instead of the Nintendo DS playign the keyboard for you. "YOU CANNOT ROCK UNLESS YOU HAVE THE CHOPS." But if you are a beginnr or your girlfriend gives it to you like mine did its still pretty fun just don't expect it to be anything that will blow your mind. It can only be usede by real msuicians but then again real musicians will want to play real instrument sand not a fake keyboard right?! haha! Until next time this si your favroite game reviewer signing off. Remember, as Metal Steve says: "KEYBOARDS ARE FOR WOMEN AND FLUFFY HAIR POP SINGERS--TRUE MEN PLAY METAL!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Wii Music

Sorry everybody for not posting so much fori months but I've been busy working on the new Mighty Talon album and let me tell you this: "PREPARE TO HAVE YORU FACE MELTED OFF!!" haha! Just kidding about that, your face wont really melt off. Well, maybe it will if you play it loud enoughh! haha! But let's puth that ashide for a minute and get down tto business here which is why you came to this side in the first place right? It's time for my METAL REVIEW of Wii Music for the Nintendo Wii. So lets turn our amplighfer up to "11" and get ready to rock! haha!

OK, well I'ms oryy to say this Metal Steve fans but there are some things even I, the mighty Metal Steve am just no capable of. And that is plying music games that don't even have real music. I already told you how "GUITAR HERO" is really not that great of a game becahsuse the gutiar pplaying is totally fake! haha! Well Wii Music is even woese I have to admit because instead of something that looks like a real isntrument you have to play with the Wii Remote and the Wii Nunchuck. Where are the strings to srutum? This is "NOT METAL" at all! haha! "BUT CAN YOU ROCK OUT WITH WII MUSIC?" In aw ord NO WAY! haah! I know you might say, "Hey Steve, that's 2 words" and I have two wordsh for you: SHUT UP! haha!

Did you knwo why Nintendo made Wii Music? You might think that its to compete with GUITAR HERO" or "ROCK BAND" but really its because the guy at Nintendo who makes all the games, Miyimoto. He said, "Hey gusy I like to play the banjo so lets make a banjo game! But let's use the Nintendo Wii Remote!" and they had so much fun they kept adding more sintruments into they whole game was full of fake instruments and Miyimoto was like "Hey gusy, slow down! We have to sav esomething for the sequel!" haha! But then Nintendo had this game so they said "PUT IT IN STORES" nad then puti t on a disc and sold it to people. But unfortuntaely for people like me who are musicians its just fake music for people who don't know a guitar from a banjo! haha! "THERE IS NO REASON TO BELIEVE THIS IS MUSIC>" You might as well listen to rap and besidethe game has a rapper and record player which is just ddumb and not real music! haha! METAL FOREVER!

So now you know why Wii Music is not worth your har-dearned money and unless you are a posser who is NOT METAL you should just get a realy guitar and take lessons. You might ask me "Hey Steve, can yout each me to play guitar?" Sorry guys, I'm too busy with my band Mighty Talon to teach you how to play guitar and beside if you like Wii Music chanses are you don't knwo a think about msuic and are waisting my time! haha! I'm sorry ot be rude but you get notwhere in life lying to people. But keep practicign and one day you may be mighty like METAL STEVE of "MIGHTY TALON."

I need to go meet Samatha, my girlfirend for dinner because its our dat enight tonight and you know what that means. "METAL STEVE WILL BE HAVING DESERT TOO!" haha! Let's just say that I might end up playing Wii Music, or should I say "SAMANTHA MUSIC" tonight. I wonder what tyepy of instrument she is. Probably a bass drum or a tayko drum! haha! That's mean but i told her her big butt makes her tlook that way! haha! OK my loyal fans I'm sorry for being gone for so long. I'm so busy so I might nto be back for a while but until then remember, as Metal Steve says, "DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME WITH FAKE MUSIC WHEN THER EIS REAL METAL TO PLAY!" Later!