Metal Steve Reviews Pong

Today I thought it would be fun to go back to the old days with a METAL REVIEW of the first game ever made. Well by first game I mean first video game because the first game was Chinese Checkers since China invented games. They also invented fireworks, gun powder, boats, dragons, and Chinese food. Well those and a lot of other things, they were busy! haha! But let's get back on track, shall we! Today's METAL REVIEW is about a game you probably once played but now think is old and lame and that game is called Pong. But don't worry if you think Pong is lame becasue I will show you why the game is still pretty awesome even today! Don't go anywhere! You'll like what you read, I promise! haha! OK let's start my METAL REVIEW of Pong now.

Pong was an Atari game from somewhere during the 1970's before there were any video games. That's right. Before Sega. Before Nintendo. And long before Microsoft! Back then there was just some guy who was into computers. But they weren't computhers like we have today. No, they were big like huge machines and they didn't do much. Like you could maybe get it to add or subtract but they weren't even able to multiply or divide so they weren't much help for kids with homework. Plus they were really expensive, so kids didn't have them anyway! haha! Anyway, this guy who started Atari was bored with computers one day and said "Hey I know, let me try making a game I can play on my computer" and that's just what he did. HIs favorite game ever was ping pong and he played it every week but because he worked on computers all day he didn't have time, so he said "Let me just make a poing pong game for the computer!" and he worked day and night until he created Pong! And that's the story of how Pong was made!

You probably know what POng is but just in case let me giv eyou some information on how you play Pong. Back when the guy who made Atari created Pong they didn't have keyboards and mouse for computers so he had to use what they had which were knobs. So you turn the knob one way or the other to move a block on screen. The block is supposed to be your paddle in ping pong. You'll have to excuse the bad graphcis because they couldn't do any better back then because their computers had bad screens! haha! There are two rectangles, one on each side and you hit a small square, which is supposed to be the ball back and forth like ina real ping pong match. I know that words like rectangles and squares can make you think of math and get scared but don't be! haha! "CAN YOU START A RALLY WITH THE BALL?" The object of the game is to get the highest score and beat the other player. You might think that I wouldn't like a game like Pong because it has bad graphics but you'd be wrong! haha! I'm the best Pong player in Fresno and nobody has ever beaten me! haha!

The guy who made Pong knew he had smoething good on his hands because the guys in his office couldn't stop playing. In fact they played so much that they weren't getting any work done on computers. He was like "Hey guys! We've got work to do here! What have I started!" haha! So he said "That's it, I'm erasing it from the computer" and everyone was sad, but what they didn't know is he had a secret plan. He was gonig to sell the game to people to play in thier homes and that required a lot of work. He had to start a company named Atari but he kept it a secret and didn't get a lot of sleep because he would work on Pong for peoples home after the guys in his computer office wen thome. Maybe he drank lots of coffee! haha! Anyway he eventually created a prototype of Pong for homes and sent it to a factory in China and they made copies and put them in boxes so he could sell them. Pong because the most popular game in the world until Pac-Man and Tetris came out and beat it. But it's still pretty popular beleive it or not!

That was my METAL REVIEW of Pong, thank you for reading it and being a loyal fan. I'm a lot happier now because Samantha and I are no longer fighting. If you remember I tried to do an April Fool joke on her and called her a "whore" but she didn't think it was funny. So I went to the grocery store and got her flowers and told her I'm sorry a lot of times. Now we're boyfriend and girlfirend again and all is good with life! haha! Let's just say that I won at Pong last night "IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!" haha! If it weren't for the guy who made Atari and his love of ping pong we'd hever have video games. So that means no Xbox-360, Playstation3, or Nintendo Wii if he didn't make Pong! Pretty amazing and scary too! haha! So until next time my fans this is Metal Steve heading out. Remember as Metal Steve says: "WE NEED TO RESPECT OUR ELDERS, EVEN IN VIDEO GAMES!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Dead Rising

Today I wanted to talk to you about a game the singer for my band Mighty Talon likes a lot, and this game in questions is called Dead Rising. I like the game a lot, too, so I told my band's singer whose name is Daniel, or "Platinum Daniel" as we call him, that he has good taste in games. haha! We call him "Platinum Daniel" because that is how many records we plan to sell when we release our first album once we record it and get it released on a major recdord label. People will go to the CD store and be like "Hey do you guys have the new Mighty Talon CD" and the cashier will be like "Turn around and look behind you." When they turn around they'll see a whole wall with copies of the Mighty Talon album but they'd better be quick to grab a copy because there will be countless screaming fans running to grab a copy! Even black people who like rap and other types of people who don't usually like METAL will have to buy copies and say, "Whoa Steve, I didn't think I liked METAL but this Mighty Talon albummakes me like METAL now!" haha! It's gonig to be pretty awesome, I assure you. But now is not the time to talk about Mighty Talon. No, now is the time to talk about my METAL REVIEW of Dead Rising for the Xbox-360. So sit back nd prepare yourselfs my faithful fans, because my METAL REVIEW of Dead Rising for the Xbox-360 begins now!

The game Dead Rising is about a guy who takes pictures for a living and somehwo he gets stuck in a mall full of zombies in a small town in America. The guy's name is Frank and even though you can take pictures with his camera don't have to use that to fight zombies. Because you're in a mall you can just about anything you can find you can use to fight zombies. So that means you can use dummies they use to model clothes, guns, skateboards, golf clubs, man just about everything you can think of. There are even chainsaws and ninja swords! Plus you can change Frank's clothes but be careful because you might accidentally put him in woman's clothes and that's just not right! Poor Frank! "WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?" haha! I never know a cross-dresser that wasn't gay but Frank isn't gay so don't dress him like a woman! haha! But I don't hate gays or anything, it's just that Frank is not gay so don't do that to him! haha! But I bet even gays would buy the Mighty Talon CD when it comes out and I always support my fans.

The goal of Dead Rising for the Xbox-360 is to kill every single zombie in the mall. There are also "BOSSES" you have to fight like a clown with chainsaws and "CITIZENS" you have to rescue like fat people and little kids. But if you don't want to rescute the "CITIZENS" you can just choose not to do that if you don't feel like it. It's like "Hey guys I'm sorry but I'm too busy to save you, but there are weapons around the mall why don't you use those?" They're just lazy! haha! If you want to kill all the zombies here's a Metal Steve secret. There is a car hidden in the parking area but you have to find it which is not easy to do! But if you have the car you can run over zombies. It's not really that realistic though because you car doesn't even really take any damage so it lookskind of fake. But killing all the zombies with the car is the easy way to go! I don't know if the makers of Dead Rising want you to know that secret but now you do, thanks to your friend Metal Steve! "LET'S TAKE DOWN THESE ZOMBIES TOGETHER, OK?" haha!

Dead Rising is one of the most violent games ever but since you kill zombies and not living people nobody really cares. The game can be played by little kids and unless they're wimps they wno't be scared. Well not really little kids but I'm talkign like 10 or 12 years old, they can probably play a game like this. Just don't be surprised if they wet their pants from being scared! haha! But just tell him "Hey man, this isn't real so don't be such a wimp!" Well, maybe kids should not play a game like Dead Rising unless they're brave. Ask the kids "ARE YOU BRAVE ENOUGH TO FIGHT ZOMBIES!" but if they don't say "Yes" then don't let them play the game. Adults will really like the game, though, and they should run to get a copy if they don't already own it. Even if they own it, though, they should play it again! haha!

Now you have read my METAL REVIEW of Dead Rising for the Xbox-360 and know why both Platinum Daniel and me like it so much. It is a violent game but since you just kill zombies it's not so bad. Maybe you shouldn't let kids play it but if they're kind of brave kids they will probabyl want to play it and it won't be a problem. Just don't be surprised if they pee their pants if they're not brave! haha! But zombies aren't living people so the violence isn't that bad! Now if you will excuse me I must get ready for band practice with my band Mighty Talon. We are trying otu a new song that I wrote today and hopefully Eric our drummer has been practicing. He's kind of been slacking off on his practicing lately and has been sloppy. He'd better watch out or Platinum Daniel and I will send Eric to a mall fullof zombies that want to eat his brains. "BRAINS! WE COME FOR BRAINS!" haha! Until next time this is Metal Steve bidding you a fond farewell. Remembe,r as Metal Steve says: "DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE ZOMBIES, BE MORE AFRAID OF DRESSING LIKE A LADY!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Rock Band

As you all know I play guitar in a band called Mighty Talon who plays METAL exclusively. We don't mix in anything else but instead it's pure METAL that rips everynoe else to shreds. One of my fans said "Hey Steve you should try out Rock Band" and I said "Hey why do I need to play that when I'm already in a METAL band?" haha! But I took him up on his offer and went to his apartment to play it but only because he said he'd have free beer there. He didn't warn me it'd be Coors though and I was not too impressed with it! haha! I thought that being in a METAL band myself I would be the perfect person to review Rock Band but I should have known better since it's called ROCK Band and not METAL Band that iw ouldn't be very good. So sit back and prepare yourself for my METAL REVIEW of Rock Band for the XBox-360. The game is also on the Playstation3 and here's a Metal Steve rumor for you. It's coming for the Nintendo Wii but Nintendo is keeping this a secret right now for some reason.

In Rock Band for the Xbox-360 you can play guitar, bass, microphone, or drums. I brought my drummer Eric with me to try out the drums while I figured I'd play guitar. When I picked up the guitar though I was like "What is this crap?" Instead of strings it's just 5 big buttons that you press instead. That's not a guitar it's a toy! haha! Eric told me the drums suck big time, too! He sat down and was like "Whoa Steve this crap doesn't even have a high hat or cymbals." Plus he was upset there was no double bass pedal so that he could perform his patented machinegun bass drumming while I performed my patented finger tapping over his machinegun bass drumming. What a gip! Plus everything feesl totally cheap like it was made for little kids or something.

We tried to have fun though but I'm sorry if you'r ein a METAL band and someone says "Here Steve play guitar with this toy" you can't have fun. And the songs you can play are all pretty lame. There's not that much METAL to choose from. Most of it is crap like Nirvana or all these other bands I haven't even heard of. I was like "Hey where's the Megadeth? Where's the Pantera?" Where's the Yngwie Malmsteen?" but the guy who invited us over was like "Oh sorry guys but there's Blue Oyster Cult." That is nto METAL people! Rock Band would be a thousand times better if it were METAL Band but they might as well call it POP BAND. haha!

There aren't even music notes or guitar tab on the screen or anything, either! When you play these colored lines come down the screen and you're supposed to press a button at the time they come down the screen. I kept failing the songs and so did Eric and the guy with Rock Band was like "I thought you guys were in a band" which pissed us off. I was like "This is not real music you moron!" and both Eric and I drank the rest of his Coors and left. But we cussed him otu pretty bad first and told him to have fun with his stupid toys. His neighbors got mad that we were making so much noise but get used to it people. Mighty Talon are the loudest METAL band on the planet. Remembe rin that movie Spinal Tap where they crank it up to 11 because it's louder than 10 which was the limit? Well Mighty Talon takes it up to 12! We're the loudest! haha!

So now you know why Rock Band is stupid and you shouldn't waste your time on it. If you're METAL like me it's an insult actually. There's no reason to play with those plastic toys unless you're a baby and can't play real instruments like me and my bandmates in Mighty Talon. They should just call it "Fake Band" haha! I hope the guys who made Rock Band are embarassed of themselves and stop wastinmg our time with these pointless games. Go play some real instruments guys! haha! That is all for now, my faithful fans. Until later this is Metal Steve signing off. Remember, as Metal Steve says, "YOU CAN'T FAKE THE REAL THING SO PUT AWAY THE TOYS AND BRING THE NOISE!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Geometry Wars Galaxies

Hey everyone! It's time for another METAL REVIEW and here to give you the goods is yours truly, Metal Steve! Today I want to tell you about an absoultely incredible game that you may not have heard of before. It is called Geometry Wars Galaxies for the Nintendo Wii. But before I tell you about the game I thought I'd update you about Eric, the drummer for my band Mighty Talon. If you remember last time I told you about how Eric forgot how to drum and was in danger of being kicked out of Mighty Talon unless he remembered how to drum. I went into practice the next day and said "Hey Eric, what's wrong? Did your hymen break yet?" haha! Eric got so angry that he started pounding on his drums in anger but it made him remember how to drum! He was like, "Thanks Steve! Now I won't be kicked out of Mighty Talon!" I thought you would all appreciate that story if you like happy endings. Plus, I'm not mad any longer! haha!

OK let's get down to business. Geometry Wars was originally a game for the Xbox-360 but Nintendo stole it and put it on the Nintendo Wii. They called the company that makes Geometry Wars and said "How about putting it on our system? You can even sell it on a disc!" This was what made the guys who make Geometry Wars make a game for the Nintendo Wii. Microsoft made them put it out on the Internet only, so people had to download it. But on the Nintendo Wii they could put it on a disc and sell it in stores, which means more money. Everyone likes money! haha! So they made a new game called Geometry Wars Galaxies for the NIntendo Wii and the rest is history.

Now that you know why it's on the Nintendo Wii and not the Xbox-360, we can talk about if the game is even any good or not. "WAS IT WORTH THE WAIT?" Yes it was! You probably would think the game is sucky if you saw the graphics because it looks like Asteroids or something. But let me tell you something. This game uses all of the power of the Nintendo Wii. You might say "Hey Steve, it's just a bunch of lines!" but you're wrong. Lik ethe name implies Geometry Wars Galaxies uses geometry to run the game. But don't think it's like the geometry class you took in high school. Hey, I failed that class too! haha! But it doesn't matte rif you are good at math or not. It's just geometry that the game makers used to build the game. But it's super difficult geometry that even the top math expert couldn't do! If the top math expert saw the game being made they'd probably be like "Whoa even I can't do that!" haha! But lucky for us the Nintendo Wii can do math so well that it can run Geometry Wars Galaxies.

I said Geometry Wars Galaxies kind of looks like Asteroids and that's pretty much the type of game this is. You control a ship and just blast all kinds of bad guys and try to get the top score. The game is called Geometry Wars Galaxies because you travel through the galaxy and blast all kinds of differnet enemies in each galaxy. Every galaxy has different music and colors, so you never get bored. Can you get the top score? Here's a Metal Steve tip. I kind of don't want to tell you because I don't want you to beat my score, but I'm a nice guy what can I say? haha! Are you ready? Here it is. Go get a classic controller for the Nintendo Wii. It's easier to control your ship and blast enemies that way. But don't go beating my score becuase I'll be mad at you! haha! No I'm just kidding. Go ahead and see if you have what it takes to beat the mighty METAL STEVE. No pretenders to the throne will be spared! haha!

I hope you enjoyed reading my METAL REVIEW of Geometry Wars Galaxies for the Nintendo Wii. Before reading my review you might have said "What game is that?" but now I hope you go out and buy it. But just don't expect to beat my score unless you've got what it takes. Did I mention that you can up load your scores via the Nintendo WiFi connection and see how you compete with the players from across the world? That is a really awesome feature but you have to have wireless internet in your home. Since I'm a tech guru you can bet that I have that! haha! Maybe you can up load yours core and see if you can compete with METAL STEVE. Just don't go crying to your mom if you find out I've crushed your best score! haha! OK my faithful fans, until next time this is Metal Steve saying farewell. As Metal Steve says, "EVEN IF YOU HATE MATH SOMETIMES IT CAN BE USED FOR GOOD." Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Yesterday you all read my METAL REVIEW of Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games. You might have said "How can the world handle more than one cross over between Nintendo and Sega!" but get ready to have your mind blown because there is yet another game for the Nintendo Wii that features Super Mario and Sonic the Hedgehog together. That game is called Super Smash Bros. Brawl and it has quickly become the number 1 game ever to be released on the Nintendo Wii. It might even be the number 1 game in history soon. So sit back and relax, because I'm proud to present you with my METAL REVIEW of Super Smash Bros. Brawl for the Nintendo Wii. Like the announcre says in After Burner when your jet is leaving the air craft carrier: "GET READY!" haha!

Let me first give you a history lesson about Super Smash Bros. Brawl. This is not the first or even second game that has come out called Super Smash Bros. It is the third one with the other two being for the Nintendo 64 and the Nintendo Gamecube. A lot of people might say "Hold on! Do I need to play those other ones first because I haven't!" Dont worry! You can play Super Smash Bros. Brawl without ever having play the original two games so there is no problem for both old timers like me and new players that have never held the controller before! But us old timers will probably jsut beat the new players. Sorry that's just the way it goes! haha!

Now don't get confused if you buy the game and Sonic the Hedgehog is not available to select for fighting. See, you have to unlock him in the game. Game companies put secrets into games that us hard core gamers call "unlockables." But maybe Nintendo is still fighting with Sega and that is why Sonic the Hedgehog has to be unlocked. haha! Here's a Metal Steve game tip. The fastest way to unlock Sonic the Hedgehog is by clearing the "Classic Mode" 10 times with 10 different characters. But that's a secret and I don't know if Nintendo wants anyone to know about that! So we'll just keep that betwee you and me. Dont' tell! haha! I don't want to get in trouble for spilling all of Nintendo's deep dark secrets.

Now that you know how to unlock Sonic the Hedgehog I can move on. Let's talk about what this game is exactly. Super Smash Bros. Brawl is a fighting game where every single Nintendo character ever created fights in all the Nintendo games ever created. Well almost all of them. Nintendo might have forgot to put some in. Like I said "Hey where's Duck Hunt!" but that's OK because they need to keep something for the next Super Smash Bros. game! haha! Four peole can play at once and to beat the game you have to win the battles by being the best fighter., or "The Last Man STanding" to put it that way! "CAN YOU BEAT THE OTHERS?"

Nintendo knows that everybody likes to play games their own way, so they were nice enough to put not two or three but FOUR different ways to play. Yes you read that right. FOUR ways to play. You can hold the Wii controller three different ways or you can use a Gamecube controller. Dont' worry, though, because they all work well. I like to use a Gamecube controller because that's what work sfor me, but if that's not your thing that's cool! Some people hate the Gamecube and think it's for kids only but those people are idiots! haha!

You might think "Hey Steve, who else can I play as in this game"?" Well I'm glad you were kind enough to ask! You can play as pretty much every Nintendo character you can think of. There's Mario, Pikachu, Donkey Kong, and even some weird ones you might not know about like the dude from Pikmin and the "guy" from Metroid. I put "guy" in quotations because that "He" is really a "She" which is something a lot of people don't know. And here's another Metal Steve secret. You can even play as Solid Snake from the Metal Gear games. But like Sonic the Hedgehog you have to unlock Solid Snake. That's top secret info straight from me to you. And I should tell you the best way to unlock him. Just play the Metal Gear level over and over and soon Solid Snake will be unlocked. You were probably thinking "Why do they have this Metal Gear level in this game? That's crazy!" But now you know! haha. I also like Solid Snake because his game is called METAL GEAR and I love METAL!

I know, I know. I haven't talked about if the game is good or not. Well don't worry, my faithful fans. This game is totally amazing. It has the best graphics on the Nintendo Wii. It's like Nintendo said "Let's pull out all the stops!" and used every single bit availale on the Nintendo Wii. Remember I told you the Super Nintendo Entertainment System or "SNES" as hard core gamers call it was 16-bits? Well prepare to be blown away because the Wii has at least 10 times the amount of bits! That's a lot of horsepower. It might not be as powerful as the Playstaiton3 or Xbox-360 but after playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl you might even say "PLAYSTATION3 WHO?" haha! To summarize, Super Smash Bros. Brawl is a dream come true for people who like incredible fighting games.

So there you have it, another METAL REVIEW from your pal Metal Steve. I know you read my reviews because you want the best ther eis, without all the bull that other game reviews give you. I hope I delivered because I think I did! So until next time, this is Metal Steve sighing off on another geniune METAL REVIEW. Don't forget, as Metal Steve says: "ONLY THE TOP WARRIORS WILL BE STANDING AT THE END." Later!