Metal Steve Reviews Guitar Hero

Today I've got a METAL REVIEW of Guitar Hero but I've got to first apologize to my faithful fans for not posting in such a long time but man I've been so busy ad there has been a ton of drama in my life, it's crazy! First off because I was sick I didn't go to band practice last week but who should they put on guitar in mplace without me knowing? None ofther than that bastard Lightning Jim! No way! I was like "Whoa guys I don't want that ax hack ruining the songs I wrote with his sorry riffs" but my band members were like "Come on Steve, just give him a chance" but I was like "Forget it guys, I think Mighty Talon is ruined if you let LIghtning JIm play guitar in the band!" So we had a long fight but now it's just me on guitar as it should be though Lightning Jim keeps calling and begging me to meet with him so I can hear his guitar playing but I'm not going to! haha! Also Samantha got mad at me because I walked in on her in the bathroom when she was sick because I got her sick after I was sick. She was sitting on the toilet having diarrhea! haha! I was like "That's disgusting baby" but I was just joking though she didn't think it was funny and yelled atm e to get out then wouldn't talk to me before she went to work even though she was sick. I called in sick to my job though because you can't be sick and work around food even if you are the assistant manager. So as you can no doubt tell my life has been razy lately but don't worry, I am back and ready to bestow upon you my METAL REVIEW of Guitar Hero. Think of it as a METAL REVIEW of Guitar Hero from a "TRUE" real life Guitar Hero! haha! So let's get down to business here shall we? "DARKNESS IMPRISONING ME! ALL THAT I SEE! ABSOLUTE HORROR!"

There are actually more than one Guitar Hero games but they're all the same just with differet songs, so wehn I say "Guitar Hero" just remember that I'm talking about "ALL" Guitar Hero games and not just the first one. Did you know that in Japan there was Guitar Hero before it was here? It was called Guitar Freaks and was made by Konami. They didn't bother to put it out in the United States though, becasue Americans aren't very good musicians except for a select few like me! haha! So Konami was like "I don't know, maybe we'll put out a music game and see how it does" and that game was Dance-Dance Revolution and guess what? It was a smash hit! Americans love to dance but can they play guitar? Well a small company whose name I can't remember but they thought up bringing out Guitar Freaks in the US and Konami said "No!" so they said "Fine we'll bringing it out but with different songs and change the name." That name change was GUITAR HERO and they put it out on the Playstation2 and Konami was PISSED! haha! But the Supreme Court ruled that since the songs were different and the name was Hero, not Freaks that it was OK. So now that small company has made over one million dollars and a bigger company bought them and said "We'll help you out" and they have made a bunch of Guitar Hero games. They have it on the Wii, Playstation2, Playstation3, and every other system! It's every where! haha!

Btu remember how I said Rock Band wasn't that good because it was pretty much Pretend Band? It's kind of like that with Guitar Hero. You use the same type of dumb toy guitar and I was like "Whoa, what's this? There are no strings again!" and you just press buttons instead. For someone like me who is used to shredding on a real guitar it's kind of like an inslut, like they were all "Oh here's a guitar for you. Syke!" then instead of strings put plastic buttons. I was like "Is this a bad dream? Am I in Hell!" but I didn't wake up and there was no devil, so it was real. There were some pretty rocking songs like Megadeth and Metallica and even some sorto f metal bands I don't like as much who are still pretty good, but if you'r eplaying with a toy why bother? Here's a METAL STEVE NEWS FLASH for eveyrone out there: "Hey, if you want to see a real Guitar Hero why not fly out to Fresno and go to a Mighty Talon show!" Unless Litngtning Jim is there then don't bother because he sucks! haha!

Guitar Hero is a lot like Rock Band and not because they both suck but because they're both kind of the same thing only Rock Band has drums and microphone that you can play. But they both look kidn of the same, actually almost identical. I don't know why they copy each other but it's kind of embarassing. Guitar Hero is obviously first since it was Guitar Freaks in Japan first, but Rock Band is exactly the same except for drums and microphone so the guys who maed Rock Band should probably be ashamed of themselves for being stealers! Like how do they sleep at night? Oh yeah they make buckets of money so they don't care! haha! But that's dishonest money. At least the money I made at Mighty Talon shows or sometimes we just get free drinks but whatever, at least it's honest money and not money from stealing. It's like if I said "Oh hey guys, check out this new riff!" but I stole it from Anthrax. Scott Ian would kick my ass! haha! Well I could probably beat him up now because he's old but he's also from New York so who knows! And if you don't know how Scott Ian is you must not be METAL but he is a guitar player for Anthrax and I bet he thinks Guitar Hero sucks too! haha! An Anthrax song is in Guitar Hero and he's probably embarassed like "Hey guys look away it's hideous!" haha!

So now you know why Guitar Hero is terrible thanks to my METAL REVIEW of Guitar Hero.No matter what system you buy it for the restuls are the same, it's terrible. If you like to pretend you can play guitar and play with a plastic toy then I guess you should buy it, but you should also buy tickets to the Alanis Morissette concert while you're at it because you are totally NOT METAL. Well my faithful fans thank you for being patient while I was having drama in my life. It's great to know you understand, things are never easy for true Guitar Heros! haha! Until next time, this is Metal STeve signing off. Remember, as Metal Steve says, "IF YOU WANT TO BE A REAL GUITAR HERO, IT'S TIME TO PUT DOWN THE PLASTIC AND PICK UP THE METAL!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Rock Band

As you all know I play guitar in a band called Mighty Talon who plays METAL exclusively. We don't mix in anything else but instead it's pure METAL that rips everynoe else to shreds. One of my fans said "Hey Steve you should try out Rock Band" and I said "Hey why do I need to play that when I'm already in a METAL band?" haha! But I took him up on his offer and went to his apartment to play it but only because he said he'd have free beer there. He didn't warn me it'd be Coors though and I was not too impressed with it! haha! I thought that being in a METAL band myself I would be the perfect person to review Rock Band but I should have known better since it's called ROCK Band and not METAL Band that iw ouldn't be very good. So sit back and prepare yourself for my METAL REVIEW of Rock Band for the XBox-360. The game is also on the Playstation3 and here's a Metal Steve rumor for you. It's coming for the Nintendo Wii but Nintendo is keeping this a secret right now for some reason.

In Rock Band for the Xbox-360 you can play guitar, bass, microphone, or drums. I brought my drummer Eric with me to try out the drums while I figured I'd play guitar. When I picked up the guitar though I was like "What is this crap?" Instead of strings it's just 5 big buttons that you press instead. That's not a guitar it's a toy! haha! Eric told me the drums suck big time, too! He sat down and was like "Whoa Steve this crap doesn't even have a high hat or cymbals." Plus he was upset there was no double bass pedal so that he could perform his patented machinegun bass drumming while I performed my patented finger tapping over his machinegun bass drumming. What a gip! Plus everything feesl totally cheap like it was made for little kids or something.

We tried to have fun though but I'm sorry if you'r ein a METAL band and someone says "Here Steve play guitar with this toy" you can't have fun. And the songs you can play are all pretty lame. There's not that much METAL to choose from. Most of it is crap like Nirvana or all these other bands I haven't even heard of. I was like "Hey where's the Megadeth? Where's the Pantera?" Where's the Yngwie Malmsteen?" but the guy who invited us over was like "Oh sorry guys but there's Blue Oyster Cult." That is nto METAL people! Rock Band would be a thousand times better if it were METAL Band but they might as well call it POP BAND. haha!

There aren't even music notes or guitar tab on the screen or anything, either! When you play these colored lines come down the screen and you're supposed to press a button at the time they come down the screen. I kept failing the songs and so did Eric and the guy with Rock Band was like "I thought you guys were in a band" which pissed us off. I was like "This is not real music you moron!" and both Eric and I drank the rest of his Coors and left. But we cussed him otu pretty bad first and told him to have fun with his stupid toys. His neighbors got mad that we were making so much noise but get used to it people. Mighty Talon are the loudest METAL band on the planet. Remembe rin that movie Spinal Tap where they crank it up to 11 because it's louder than 10 which was the limit? Well Mighty Talon takes it up to 12! We're the loudest! haha!

So now you know why Rock Band is stupid and you shouldn't waste your time on it. If you're METAL like me it's an insult actually. There's no reason to play with those plastic toys unless you're a baby and can't play real instruments like me and my bandmates in Mighty Talon. They should just call it "Fake Band" haha! I hope the guys who made Rock Band are embarassed of themselves and stop wastinmg our time with these pointless games. Go play some real instruments guys! haha! That is all for now, my faithful fans. Until later this is Metal Steve signing off. Remember, as Metal Steve says, "YOU CAN'T FAKE THE REAL THING SO PUT AWAY THE TOYS AND BRING THE NOISE!" Later!