Metal Steve Reviews Pong

Today I thought it would be fun to go back to the old days with a METAL REVIEW of the first game ever made. Well by first game I mean first video game because the first game was Chinese Checkers since China invented games. They also invented fireworks, gun powder, boats, dragons, and Chinese food. Well those and a lot of other things, they were busy! haha! But let's get back on track, shall we! Today's METAL REVIEW is about a game you probably once played but now think is old and lame and that game is called Pong. But don't worry if you think Pong is lame becasue I will show you why the game is still pretty awesome even today! Don't go anywhere! You'll like what you read, I promise! haha! OK let's start my METAL REVIEW of Pong now.

Pong was an Atari game from somewhere during the 1970's before there were any video games. That's right. Before Sega. Before Nintendo. And long before Microsoft! Back then there was just some guy who was into computers. But they weren't computhers like we have today. No, they were big like huge machines and they didn't do much. Like you could maybe get it to add or subtract but they weren't even able to multiply or divide so they weren't much help for kids with homework. Plus they were really expensive, so kids didn't have them anyway! haha! Anyway, this guy who started Atari was bored with computers one day and said "Hey I know, let me try making a game I can play on my computer" and that's just what he did. HIs favorite game ever was ping pong and he played it every week but because he worked on computers all day he didn't have time, so he said "Let me just make a poing pong game for the computer!" and he worked day and night until he created Pong! And that's the story of how Pong was made!

You probably know what POng is but just in case let me giv eyou some information on how you play Pong. Back when the guy who made Atari created Pong they didn't have keyboards and mouse for computers so he had to use what they had which were knobs. So you turn the knob one way or the other to move a block on screen. The block is supposed to be your paddle in ping pong. You'll have to excuse the bad graphcis because they couldn't do any better back then because their computers had bad screens! haha! There are two rectangles, one on each side and you hit a small square, which is supposed to be the ball back and forth like ina real ping pong match. I know that words like rectangles and squares can make you think of math and get scared but don't be! haha! "CAN YOU START A RALLY WITH THE BALL?" The object of the game is to get the highest score and beat the other player. You might think that I wouldn't like a game like Pong because it has bad graphics but you'd be wrong! haha! I'm the best Pong player in Fresno and nobody has ever beaten me! haha!

The guy who made Pong knew he had smoething good on his hands because the guys in his office couldn't stop playing. In fact they played so much that they weren't getting any work done on computers. He was like "Hey guys! We've got work to do here! What have I started!" haha! So he said "That's it, I'm erasing it from the computer" and everyone was sad, but what they didn't know is he had a secret plan. He was gonig to sell the game to people to play in thier homes and that required a lot of work. He had to start a company named Atari but he kept it a secret and didn't get a lot of sleep because he would work on Pong for peoples home after the guys in his computer office wen thome. Maybe he drank lots of coffee! haha! Anyway he eventually created a prototype of Pong for homes and sent it to a factory in China and they made copies and put them in boxes so he could sell them. Pong because the most popular game in the world until Pac-Man and Tetris came out and beat it. But it's still pretty popular beleive it or not!

That was my METAL REVIEW of Pong, thank you for reading it and being a loyal fan. I'm a lot happier now because Samantha and I are no longer fighting. If you remember I tried to do an April Fool joke on her and called her a "whore" but she didn't think it was funny. So I went to the grocery store and got her flowers and told her I'm sorry a lot of times. Now we're boyfriend and girlfirend again and all is good with life! haha! Let's just say that I won at Pong last night "IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!" haha! If it weren't for the guy who made Atari and his love of ping pong we'd hever have video games. So that means no Xbox-360, Playstation3, or Nintendo Wii if he didn't make Pong! Pretty amazing and scary too! haha! So until next time my fans this is Metal Steve heading out. Remember as Metal Steve says: "WE NEED TO RESPECT OUR ELDERS, EVEN IN VIDEO GAMES!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Pac-Man

Today I have a METAL REVIEW of one of the most popular games of all time. You've probably heard of it because it's called PAC-MAN. "CAN YOU GET THE POWER PELLETS?" haha! But before I start my METAL REVIEW of Pac-Man I wanted to let you know that Samantha is mad at me. She didn't like that I called her a whore last night even though I was joking! She told me I could sleep on the couch but really it was a joke! That's a Metal Steve promise. IT was technically April Fools Day because it was past midnight and we were drinking beer and watching TV. I said "Hey Samantha I heard you had an abortion from Eric! Why are you doing it with Eric you whore!" but before I could say "April Fools!" she walked out of the room and when I went after her she was like "Steve get away I hate you that's not true" and so I said "April Fools!" but she was like "Get away!" so I went to the other room. Today when she left for work I said "Sorry!" but she just walked out withotu saying Goodbye. Man, I guess she's mad! What a whore! haha! Just kidding! No really I'm just kidding! I don't think Samantha is a whore. haha! But if I seem kind of sad or weird in this METAL REVIEW of Pac-Man now you know why I am that way.

Back in the 1980s Pac-Man was a total culture trend. Everyone from old grannies to little school kids were like "Whoa, what is this game?" and they paid millions of dollars in quarters to play it. Well not everyone paid millions, I mean if you tallie it all up you'll find it was millions of dollars. haha! But did you know how Pac-Man got his name? That's a secret but leave it to your old pal Metal Steve to fill you in on the dteails here. OK, there was this guy in Japan who invented Pac-Man but he wanted to call it FAT-MAN because all the guy did is eat. He had to use kind of bad graphics because that was all that was possible at the time but he said "I know, I'll make him totally round because he's fat and he'll eat a bunch of food because he's fat!" But since the guy was from Japan he didn't speak English very well and when he said Fat-Man it sounded like Pac-Man! But nobody could understand him when he tried to explain it and he just gave up and said "Fine, call Fa-tMan Pac-Man if you wnat to" and that is what happened! So now we all know him as Pac-Man but really he's Fat-Man! I know you are blown away by this information I'm sure! haha! But it's all true and that's a Metal Steve promise.

You know why now that he is called Pac-Man but did you know why there are ghosts? It's because they are haunting him because he's so fat. Remember in Scrooge when the ghosts come to haunt him because he's so bad adn they're saying "You are going to die if you don't change your ways?" It's the same thing in Pac-Man only they're saying "We are going to make you die if you don't stop eating so much" but I guess they're kind of evil ghosts because they kill him anyway even if he stops eating! haha! But luckily Pac-Man has a secret weapon called a "POWER PELLET" that he can eat that lets him eat ghosts. The bad news is the ghost are indestructible so if he eats them their eyes which are not edibile fly back to their secret base and the ghosts come back, hungry for revenge. "LOOK OUT, PAC-MAN!" haha!

I saw a picture of the number one Pac-Man player in the world and thought he was METAL because he has long hair and a beard. His name is Billy but I can't remember his last name but that does'nt matter because he is NOT METAL I totally assure you. He might be good at Pac-Man but he makes hot sauce for a living and if he were METAL he woudl not have such a lame job. haha! I mean I might be an assistant manager to pay bills but I also am the top METAL guitar player in all of Fresno and possibly California, so unless Billy has an awesome band like Mighty Talon that I don't know about, he is NOT METAL. He is good at Pac-Man, though, so I have to give him respect for that and maybe I'd have a beer with him but I don't think we could be friends. haha! But congratulations on your score Billy!

You have now read my METAL REVIEW of Pac-Man which is one of the most popular games ever. I don't think it's quite as popular as Tetris and it's not as peaceful because Pac-Man "OR SHOULD I SAY FAT-MAN" and the ghosts try to get each other. haha! Pac-Man has kind of bad graphcis but I can't blame them because they didn't know any better and couldn't make anything better back then. Just remember if Gamepro or some other magazine tries to tell you that Pac-Man is actually supposed to be Fat-Man you heard it from Metal Steve's Game Riffs first! haha! If it wasn't for some guy ffrom Japan not being able to speak English then we'd all be calling him Fat-Man! haha! OK my faithful fans that is all for this time. Hopefully by next time Samantha will stop being mad at me and forgive me for calling her a whore! haha! This is Metal Steve signing off. Remember as Metal Steve says: "LAY OFF THE SNACKS OR YOU'LL GET HAUNTED BY EVIL GHOSTS!" Later!