Metal Steve's Game Riffs

E3 Survival Guide in Three Easy METAL TIPS

2011-06-04T09:37:00.000-07:00

Greetings, my faithful fans. Your buddy Metal Steve is back once again to be the guiding light in your hour of need. You were probably thinking, “I am but a lost sheep without a shepherd” but never fear, for Shepherd Steve is here to show you where to find the tastiest grass to munch upon and possibly find some cute girl sheep to mount, unless you’re a girl sheep, in which case I’ll find you a studly man sheep to mount you. Well, not mount, but go to a video games convention, actually! Haha!

The Electronics Entertainment Expo (or E3 as we call it in “the biz” haha!) is going to be here in almost no time, and you might have your bags all packed and are ready to go, but you don’t know what to expect. You might be like, “Do I need to bring my business cards?” or maybe “What hotel should I stay in?” Those are the tips you can find anywhere, even from amateurs. I won’t waste your time with that type of stuff.

Instead, your king Metal Steve is here to give you my E3 Survival Guide in Three Easy METAL TIPS you won’t find anywhere else. LISTEN, YOUNG GRASSHOPPER, AND LEARN FROM YOUR GUITAR-PLAYING MASTER. So, without further ado, let’s dig into the secret E3 tips that you won’t find in Nintendo Power, Gamepro, or any other favorite video game magazine you probably have stacked up by your toilet to read when you’re dropping the kids off at the pool, so to speak. Haha!

Tip 1: Scare Away the Homeless

E3 takes place in downtown Los Angeles, which is crawling with homeless people. The video games industry makes billions of dollars every month, and the homeless know this. They swarm around the Los Angeles Convention Center and won’t let video games journalists and video games developers into the Convention Center without giving them some money.

Getting asked for change by bums doesn’t sound like a big deal, right? You might even be ready to stop reading my tips and give me a lecture by saying, “Steve, you’re wasting my time. Anyone can give bums money.” But slow down just a minute there, partner, because Cowboy Steve can tell you that these homeless are of a different variety than the usual crop. THEY’RE LIKE ZOMBIES: THEY JUST KEEP COMING AND COMING! If you give one of them some change, two more will rise up and demand even more money. It’s endless! Look out behind you! Haha!

The best way to clear a path through these beggars is to scare them away. This is easier said than done for most video games journalists, because most of them are out of shape and don’t usually get much sunlight, so they’re chubby, pasty wimps and when the homeless descend upon them, they end up giving away most of their money and sometimes other possessions like watches and phones as well in fear of their safety. TAKE WHATEVER YOU WANT, JUST SPARE MY LIFE! It’s pathetic! Haha!

Meanwhile, your captain Metal Steve has no problem. Before I played in my current band Mighty Talon, I briefly played rhythm guitar and handled lead vocals in a death metal band called Casket of Serpents. I just heard you gasp. “You are the legendary Steve Serpent from Casket of Serpents!?” Yes, guilty as charged. Haha! If you know of Casket of Serpents, you no doubt remember our song, “Defiler of the Departed” – a song that I personally wrote the music and lyrics to even though my ex-bandmate Jacob “Prison of Pins” Richards broke up our band when he tried to copyright all the music like he wrote it.

Whenever I find myself surrounded by an army of crazy homeless guys, I just break into the lyrics of “Defiler of the Departed” with my raspy death vocals and the bums know to keep their distance. I’m like Moses, but instead of parting red water I’m parting crazy drunk people who want money from me. CLEAR A PATH FOR YOUR KING!

Please feel free to use the following sample of the lyrics for your own needs – Just don’t try to rip me off like Jacob Richards did:

You sit in a chair, slumped off to the side.
It doesn’t matter to me the way that you died.
I’m just here for fun, and it’s only beginning.
Your face is all rotten, it’s looks like you’re grinning.

Defiler! Defiler of the Departed!
Defiler! And I’ve only just started.

I take out my knife and begin with a cut.
Cover you with paper, you look like King Tut.
But mummy you’re not, my plaything you are.
Let’s put on a play, you’ll be the star.

Tip 2: Bring Condoms

Yes, you read that right, my disbelieving readers. You might be like, “Whoa Steve, what do condoms have to do with a video games convention?” Well, my innocent disciples, E3 might be a video games convention, but you can pretty much expect to get laid when you’re there if you play your cards right. At least, you’ll probably get laid unless you’re some type of weird religious dude or chick that doesn’t have sex before marriage, and in that case, what are you doing playing video games? VIDEO GAMES ARE THE DEVIL’S PLAYTHING. Haha! Actually, I’m just kidding. He probably likes baseball or something like that. Who knows?

Anyway, as anyone who has been to E3 can tell you, there are lots of girls at every booth called “Booth Babes” who flirt with all the video games journalists at E3 and very often they end up having sex with the video games journalists so they’ll give a game a good preview. Sounds great, right? I can hear you yelling, “Steve, I can’t wait! I wish E3 was right now!” But wait you must, my citizens, because unless you bring condoms, you’ll be sorry.

See, the Booth Babes are actually strip club dancers and prostitutes that companies hire to work at E3. These are women that have sex for a living, and they know what they are there to do. REPRESENTATIVES OF THE WORLD’S OLDEST PROFESSION REPORTING FOR WORK! Haha! Don’t be afraid to bring one of these ladies of the night back to your hotel room, but use protection. To quote the wise sage Billy Milano from the bands S.O.D. and M.O.D.: “No Glove No Love!” Nobody wants to experience anything like the rumored 2006 Gamespot Gonorrhea Outbreak! Painful!

Tip 3: Expect to Get Bribed

It’s pretty much a well-known fact that most video games journalists receive money to give games good scores. Remember when IGN gave that sucky kung-fu game a 10/10 score when it should have been a 6/10? You do the math on that one! No really, you do the math. Your leader Metal Steve hates math and used to force nerds to do his math homework for him in high school. WHEN YOUR CALLING IS TO SHRED, ALGEBRA GETS IN THE WAY. Luckily, math has nothing to do with metal, and now I’m in the band Mighty Talon and those dweebs that did my homework are probably working in some boring office somewhere. Haha!

So, back to what I was saying, games journalists don’t make a lot of money, so they rely on the game publishers to help pay the bills. Nobody ever got rich being a video games journalist, except maybe if they do something like write a book like that guy who wrote a Wii book for special education people. But what about the rest of the video games journalists? Most of them receive bribes, which we here in the industry refer to as “moneyhats,” because often times game companies line hats with $20 bills and give them to video games journalists.

I can see the look on your face. Well, I can’t really see it, but I can guess you kind of look like you found out that your girlfriend has been sleeping with some crazy homeless guy on the corner outside the Los Angeles Convention Center. “Hey Steve, I can’t believe what I’m reading. Don’t tell me you accept bribes!” Worry not, for I’m proud to say that your emperor Steve has never even been offered a bribe from any game company. They know that Metal Steve cannot be bought with their dirty money! MONEY TALKS, AND METAL STEVE WALKS! Haha! But you know what? Rent is due soon and I might be a little short this month, so if game companies have any spare moneyhats lying around, you know where to send them. Just kidding. Maybe. Haha!

Have Fun at E3!

Well, my loyal subjects, the time has come for Metal Steve to mount his mighty steed and ride off into the sunset. The day has been saved and you now know how to survive the madness that is called E3 with the METAL TIPS I gave you that you won’t find anywhere else. Don’t come crying to me saying, “Oh no, Steve, I forgot to follow Tip 2 and now I have syphilis. What do I do now?” because I’ll just laugh at you and tell you that maybe you should go apply to work at Gamespot or something! Haha!

Remember to have fun at E3, and don’t believe all the previews you read because most of those video games journalists probably received moneyhats and had sex with prostitutes in exchange for writing good things about those games! SEX, MONEY, AND VIDEO GAMES! Haha! Look for me at the show! But should our paths not cross, remember what your pal Metal Steve says: “It might seem nice to get money and have sex so you will write something good about a bad game, but you’ll be sad if you end up with crabs and the only thing you have to show for it is writing that the new Turok game looks awesome.” Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Super Mario Galaxy 2

2010-05-04T08:15:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry for my absense, faithful fans, but your old buddy Metal Steve's life has been a total whirlwind lately LITERALLY. haha! First, my band Mighty Talon might be on the verge of a breakup thanks to our stpuiod lead singer "Platinum" Daniel getting married. He called me the other day and was like, 'Hey Steve I think I can't come to practiec this week because my wife wants me to be home with her" and I was like "WHAT THE HELL?" There is a saing rap guys like to use that I think is approprriate here: "BRO'S BEFORE HO'S." Well, when I told that to "Platinum" Daniel he got all mad and was like "Steve come on man don't call Donna a ho" and I wasl ike "Later!" and hung up on him. But the thing is nobody cna really sing like "Platinum" Daniel so I don't know what to do now. Maybe you the fans can advise me! What about Mighty Talon as an all instrucmental band? Would you like that? "CAST YOUR VOTE, MY LEGIENS!" haha!

Well, you are pobably wondering how I'm able to write a METAL REVIEW of a game that's not even in stores yet? Well let's just say your fearless leader Metal Steev has a trick or two up his slevse and a contact at a certain big video game company that rhymes with Intendo! haha! So yes, the wait is over, I am hereby proud to unveil the first review ever of Super Mario Galxy 2 and not just a review, but a METAL REVIEW at that! You won't find a review in your copy of Gamepro or Nintendo Power, I will tell you that! haha! At least not yet because I'm sure at some point they will get what we in the video game industyr call "Review Copies" of the game but for now gameriffs.blogspot.com is your only place to find any indpeth info9rmation about Super Mario Galaxy 2. So let's go on with this already! "TAKE IT FROM THE TOP!"

Now I must warn you that Ninteodo is going to be totally PISSED that I'm going to blow the lid off this game, so to speak but thats what happens when you are the top video game writer. You have to take one for the team! But did you know Ninteodo is really run by gangsters from Japan? It's true! They are led by the Japanese gang called Yakuza and Yakuza might see my METAL REVIEW and say "We need to getthis guy for spililng the beans!" and so if you don't hear from me maybe Yakuza has gotten me! Also Nintendo has gangsters here in the USA too! It's the truth and its kind of scary! At E3 years ago, which is this big event where all the vidoe game journalist learn about new video games Nintendo brougth out this big black guy named Reggie who cussed at the crowd and scared every one. He was like "Fuck You my name is Reggie!" and told everyone he was going to kick thier ass! This is real you can find a You Tube video to see it if you want! When I heard that I wasl ike, "Whoa, I thought Nitnendo was a kid's company" but now I know better. They are gangsters! haha!

So gangsters like money, right? "WE'RE ONLY IN IT FOR THE CASH BABY!" I think that's how a rap song goes. Well Super Mario Galaxy the originla one was the biggest selling game on Wii and Nintendo said "Let's make another one and make lot's of money!" but the guy who made it named Miyamoto who is the wordl's best video gamde designer wanted to do something new. But his boss said "We need to make money or Yakuza will get mad" so he was forced to make another one. Lucky for us he did though because Super Mario Galaxy 2 is the best game Nitnendo has ever made. If you take all of the good stuff from the Super Mario Galaxy and double or tripe it you have Super Mario Galaxy 2. The game takes place in space like the first Super Mario Galayx but there are all kinds of new planetts to go to and new people to see.

Now I don'tw antto spoil too much for you but I will tell you one big suprise that Nintendo hasn't told anyone yet. In SuperMario Galaxy 2 there is a return of a certain green friend from some old games. You are probably like "But Steve Luigi was in teh last game!" No I'm not takling about Luigi! I don't wnat to give it away but let's just say it is a certain dinosaur that you can ride and eat bad gusy with and lucky for you he can live in space just like Mario. Seriously how do thees guys not need air? "IT'S A MEE MAGICAL MARIO! I CAN A BREATH IN SPACE!" haha! You heard it here first folks. I bet your copy of Gameprop didn't have that juicy bit of information in it! "METAL STEVE TO THE RESCUE!"

The game is really long and will keep you bussy for a really long time. My secret friend at Nitnenod gave me the game almost a week ago and I have been woking very hard to finish it and finally I got most of the stars. Some of them are kind of imposssible though and I have to say "MIYAMOTO WHY DID YOU MAKE THIS PARTS SO HARD?!?!" haha! But the guy is a genius so I wont question hsi work. Since I haven't gotten every start I don't know if it unlocks anything special if you get every star but I think it probably does. But since I'm so good at video games and I haven't gotten every star it will probably be hard for average players to get every star. But my advice is keep trying. 'ONLY THE WEAK GIVE UP!" haha!

So now you have read the first review of Super Mario Galaxy 2 and lucky for you it was a METAL REVIEW from your most trutsted source Metal Steve. Just remember you king Metal Steve will never lead you asatray and my final word on this game is "GET $50 AND GO BUY THIS GMAE THE DAY IT COMES OUT IN STORES OR YOU WILL BE SORRY!" Yes the game is that good. Miyamoto has out done himself even if he was forced to maek this game for money and lucky for us we now have the best Nintedno game ever made to play. Syure it might seem impossible to get every last star but I have a feeling that when you do it'll be worth it. Remember, as your friend Metal Steve says, "IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCEED TRY TRY AGAIN AND YOU WILL GET EVERY LAST STAR!" Now I'm off to get the last few stars myself so I'm signing off. And hopefully Yakuza or Reggie don't get me! haha! Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Muscle March

2010-02-17T09:59:00.000-08:00

Buckle your seatbleslts everyone because Metal Steve has a crazy tale that has transpired since last we met in my METAL REVIEW of Muramasa The Demon Blade for the Nintendoi Wii. You see, not only did I break up with my girlfriend or should I say EX-GLIRFRIEND Samantha but now I need to find a new drummer for my band Mighty Talon because I kicked our drummer Eric out of the band! A lot has transpired since the last 24 hours folks and Metal Steve is here to tell you the tale but hey I know you come here for METAL REVEIWS too so your pal Metal Steve will quickly tell you what transpired then get on with a METAL REVIEW for you! Okay, so let's do this. "SIR PLEASE RELAY WHAT HAPPENED MY KING!" And indeed I will! haha!

Last night Samantha told me she's sad she can't get pregnant after trying so much and I was like, "hey baby, I guess you girls just can't swim" and she got all upset and told me I wasn't being suppoirutifve and that I was going to make a terrible father. So that got me angry and I wsa like "Youi know what, why don't you go make a baby yourself then!" and then told her that hse was probably the problem because I can get plenty of chicks pregnant if I wanted. She told me to get out and yeah, well, whatever. You know the rest. No need to bore you with the detail of what transpired beyond that! haha! Just jsut say that your pal Steve is know on the market so if your girolfriend or wife breaks up with you to go for a rock star guitar player in the band Mighty Talon don't come crawling to me in tears because you hvae been warned! haha! LOL!

By now you might be saying "Whoa, Steve, where is the METAL REVIEW you promised us. Don't leave suhanging here!" and to that I say, "Patience is a virtew my loyal subjects just hang tight I'm getting to it!" haha! So I wnet to crash at my drummer Eric's apartment and he was playing his Nintendo Wii when I got there but what my eyes witness, my loayal subjects I cannot even dare describe. But because you come to yoru pal Metal Steve for his famous METAL REVIEWS I will be brave nad describe the horrible sights my eyes saw.

Eric was playing this game called Muslce March where you have to mke these gay muscle guys march through walls. Now beofre you get upset nad say "Steve, don't call people gay that's mean!" remember that I totally support gays and if I could vote I'd totally vote to let them even get married! Mighty Talon even played at a gay bar once and to the gay's credit they didn't even try to have sex with any of us because they knew we were straight and liked chicks! So you can say that Steve is even a supporter of gays. But that doens't mean I want to watch some gay msucle guys run through walls.

I was like "Eric let's play something else" but he was totally hypnotised by those guay muscle guys as they ran through walls and I was like "Eric, dude you've got to stop man, you can't watch this stuff any longer." Its not that Eric was playing a gay game that got me mad it's thatt the game is totally stupid and you just make gay muslce guys run through walls and that is totally stupid. I was like, "Who made this game?" haha! It turns out Namco Bandai made the game and even though I respect them for making other good games Muscle March is enguhgh to make me thinkg "Whoa, there si something in the water at Namco Bandai that is making them make sucky games about muslce guys who are gay running throguh walls!"

I told Eric he could choose between his precious Muscle March or playing drums for Mighty Talon and he was like "Steve you ca'tn be serious" and I was like, "Oh yes I am." Well, you can probably guess why Eric is no longer the drummer for Mithy Talon! haha! "WE ONLY WANT REAL MUSICIANS, NOT FREAKS." He was like "Nobody would kcik me out of a band for playing a game" and I was like "Watch me!" and slammed the door before going to my singer "Platinum" Daniel's house to crash. When I told him that I kicked Eric out of the band he was like "You did the right thing Steve, we dnon't need a guy like that behind the kit." haha!

So now you have read my METAL REVIEW of why Muslce March for the Nintendo Wii is a bad game and shouldn't be played. Even if you are gay and like looking at gay muscle guys I would say to avoids this game beacuse all you do is make gay msuachle guys run through walls and that is totally stupid! Namco Bandai should be ashamed of themslelves for making such a sucky game, but hey I guess they thought that many gay guys would like Muslce March but I don't think any self respecting gay guy would play a game like Muscle March so I thinkg you should avoid it, evne if you are gay! Remember, as your pal Metal Steve says, "BEING GAY IS OKAY, BUT PLAYING A SUCKY GAME JUST BECHAUSE IT IS GAY IS NOT A GOOD IDEA!" haha! Well, until nex titme, this is your pal Metal Steve signing off. And watch out ladies because Metal Stev eis officially on the prowl! LOL! Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Muramasa The Demon Blade

2010-02-16T16:10:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone. Your faithful captain Methal Steve is back and ready for more action! haha! I bet you were like, "Whoa, Steve musthave died or something becaues he's never posting on Game Riffs any more" and your RIGHT! I am a zombie RAAAAH STEVE WILL EATH YORU BRAINS SO LOOKOUT EVERYONE! RAAAAAH! BRAINS! Lol! Just kidding, I'm not a zombie but I will still eat your brain methaphorically speaking with the greatness of my new METAL REVIEW of the Nintendo Wii game Muramasa The Demon Blade. So get ready my victims of zombei apocalpyse because Steve is here to BRING BACK THE MTAL. "LET'S DO THIS RIGHT THE FIRST TIME CAPTIAN!!" haha!

But hold up a minute, my faithful fans. You are probably like "Steve, what's going on? Why haveh you apandoned me!?" Don't cry my dear friens because the truth of the matter is Steve was too busy to playvideo games to write reviews. What has your vaforite game reviewer been up to? EATINB RAINS OF CORUSE! haha. Just kidding! LoL! No, I was busy with my band Mighty Talon working on a new blum that may or may not be out in stores this year. And of coruse I've been busy with my girilfriend Samantha who if all goes accoring to plan will be what the rap guys' call my "Baby's Mama" very soon! So fear not, loyal subjects of KINGDOM STEVE, your king has not been wasting his time. METAL AND SEX FOREVER!! haha!

So let's get back on topic here because I do'nt have all day here and neither do you, although you aren't in a band like me or have as much tiem in bed with hot chicks like me. They don't call me "ALL NIGHT STEVE" for nothing, let me tell yuou! haha! So anyway Muramasa the Demon Blade is a new Nintendo Wii game that appearls to us "OLD SCHOOL GAMERS" like me because it has amazing 2D graphics. The makers of the game had to get special persimmon from Nintendo to make such good graphics. The guy who made Muramasa the Demon Blade called Nintendo and was like, "Hey, sorry to beat you at your own game guys but we have this new game and it looks beter than yours! But let us release it anyway OK?" haha! But Nintendo took one look at the game and was like, "Whoa, video game players must paly this because this is incredible. You have our permission" and now you know how the guys who made Muramasa The Demon Balde got away with making such a good looking game.

But one thing that is importaht ist hat Muramasa The Demon Blade has 2D graphics. I think Ive explained this before but just in case I'll let you know that games come in two types, 2D and 3-D. The 2D games are the kind us "OLD FOGEYS" grue up playing, you know stuff like Mario before Suepr Mario 64 and old games like that. 3D is stuff like Super Mario 64 and everyting after that because Nintendo invented 3D games with Super Mario 64 and everyone else was like "Whoa guys, tha'ts awesome can we do that?" and now eveyrone does 3D games although they have to pay Nintendo a royalty to make 3D games becasue Nintendo owns the patenent on 3D.

Muraumasa the Demon Blade takesp lace in Ancient Japan where there are samurais and ninjas at every turn. "LOOK OUT A NINJA IS CREEPING DOWN RIGHT BEHIND YOU TO KILL YOU AAAAH!" haha! I made you look diden't I? Muramasa the Demon Blade is a great 2D game with samurais and ninjas that want you dead but there's no reason to worry. You might say, "How can I stand up to ninjas and samurais?" nad the answer is you have THE MURAMASA DEMON BLADE to slash them all down with! It would be cool if there were nunchicks you could use too but you can't have it all.

WEll I hope you enjoyed my METAL REVIEW of Muramasa the Demon Blade for the Nintedno Wii and know why it is the best 2D game on the Nintendo Wii! I hope yo can forgive you pal Metal Steve for being away for so long buty like I said I was busy making metal and ahem "GETTING BUSY." Not only will I soon rule the record stors with my new CD soon but I might be ruling the father of the year charts too if I can get Samantha pregnant soon! haha! I don't knwo if I even want to be a dad but Samantha wants a baby and plus I heard woman's breast get bigger when they are pregnent so you know what I say to that? "BONUS!" So until next time my faithfull followers, this is your commander in chief Metal Steve signing off. Remember, as Metal Steve says: "NINJAS AND SAMURAIS ARE NO MATCH FOR THE DEMNO BLADE!" Oh and one more thing. "BRAAAAAINS METAL STEVE WANTS TO EATHTYOUR BRAAAAAIINNNS!!!" haha! Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Space Invaders

2009-01-18T21:50:00.000-08:00

Greetings my fellow video game citizens it is yoru pal Metal Steve back for another review! This time I'm going to dig deep into the vlaut and bring you a game that you might have forgotten even existhed or if you're a kid you didn't even know existed at all! But before I address that let me quickly talk about one of my loyalfans who seems to have become upset. "THIS IS MUTINY I TELL YOU!" haha! OK now on to business this fan is named Mike Sidekick and he complianed that my spelling is terrible and that my reviews are bad. Whoa partner, Steve's gotta put an end to this. OK I admit that when I get going sometimes my spelling gets a little messed up but hey I'm a busy man and I only write my METAL REVIEWS when time permits and trust me time is not permittingmuch lately with my bjsy schedule recording new music. I mean hey gusy, do you wnat game reviews and awesome metal music or do you want both? Both, that's what I thought. So I'm sorry Mike Sidekick but you might have to deal with a few spelling errors in exchange for the best video game information available, I hope we can agree on that! If not, OFF WITH HIS HEAD! KIND STEVE HAS SPOKEN! haha! But I would have expected more from some one with his own website. But that is engouh of that, let's get on with the show and get to my METAL REVIEW of, are you ready? Space Invaders for the arcade! IN SPACE NOONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREM!! haha!

So you might be syaing to yourself, "Hey I think this game sounds familiar but I can't put my finger on what it is, is it a game I know?" Well my loyal fans, I think you may know this game very well indeed. See, Space Invaders came out from a company called Taito who were a company from Japan in the 1970s, I think the year was 1978 but don't quoet me on that! haha! Anyway Taito had this idea for the game when their president saw a UFO one night and was like, "Whoa what if aliens from space came a nd invacded our planet, wouldn't that be crazy?" Well, luckily for video game fans this president from Taito told his company, "I have an idea. Let's make a game bout space invaders" and they said "OK, sir, but what should we call it?" and he said, "Let's keep it simple and call is Space Invaders." So they made a game where invaders from space invaede the Earth! Oh no! Humans are exctinct! haha! Not to worry, my faithful servants because all hope is not lost. Taito said, "Lets make this fun and let the player blast the alients from space" and gave you a gun at the bottom of the screen to blast the aliens with. PAYBACK IS A BITCH. haha!

Space Invaders for the arcade was a big hit because during 1978 people were really scaerd fo invaders from space because UFO's were everywhere during 1978. Like, people saw UFOs in Mexidco and Spain and other places where they speak Spanish and even in the United States in Egnlish parts too. They were like, "Oh man I hope the aliens don't invade" but Space Invaders was like training to them and people got ready for the big alien invastion. Taito knew they had a big hit on their hand but since they were from Japan they sold the game to Atari who made a new Space Invadres for the Atari 2600 or Video Computer Enterhtainment System as it is sometimes called by game writhers like me. Don't get confused though, becauses they are the same game system. YOU SAY POTATO I SAY TOMATO! haha! Atari sold over 2 million copies of Space Indvaers for the Atari 2600 and when you think about how many millons of copies Taito sold for the arcade you know that Space Invaders is a huge game.

So you might be saying, "Hey STeve, whatever happended to Space Invaders?" Well I'm glad you asked. There were a lot of sequels but nobody played them becuase they weren't any good, that is until this year when a new Space Invaders called Space Invaders XTREME for the Nintendo DS came out. But a lot of people didn't buy it becuase it was $20 and they said, "Whoa this must be sucky" but trust me, my readers of Gameriffs, it is anything but sucky! It is kind of techno and flashy though, so if you hate techno or get seisures or something you won't want to play it! But my advice is put on a METAL album and turn down the volume and blast the alien invaders until there are none left to blast. Annighilate them all! haha!

Oh and let your pal Steve give you a quick tip here. Did you know that in Space Invaders there are shdiels can protect you from the alien invaders and their lasers? Of course you did if you knew about Space Invaders, anyway. But what you may not know is that you can blst through the shields. I know you might be saying, "Thanks for the lame tip Steve, now I don't have a shield" but the trick is that you don't blast the whole thing but just enough to get your lasters through to blast the alien invaders and top them dead in their tracks. That way ther eis still shield left for you to take cover but you can still blast the aliens with your lasers through the small hole in your shield. Not a lot of people know about htis strategy but since I'm a nice guy and in a good mood I thoguth I'd share. But just don't go beating my high score or there will be hell to pay! haha!

So now you have read my METAL REVIEW of Space Invaders for the arcade and I also gave some informaiton about Space Invaders for the Atari 2600 or Video Computer Entertainment Sysstem as we in the video game industry sometimes call it. It might be a pretty old game but its still pretty fun to play even if the graphics are kind of bad and the aliens are sort of slow. Be sure to use my secret stretgy and you will succedd in stopping the aliens from landing on earth. The fate of humans rest on your shoulder! haha! Oh, and for Mike Sidekick I hope this review had good enough spelling for you but if not maybe you should go back and work on your web site some more because those of us with web sites have a duty to our fans to provode the best information we can and you shouldn't let your fans down! OK my faithful fans, this is your friend and leader Metal Steve signing off for now. Remember as Metal Steve says, "THE ALIENS WILL NOT LAND AS LONG AS I HAVE MY SPECIAL SECRET STRATEGUY!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews The Korg DS10

2009-01-13T16:07:00.000-08:00

Hello to all my fans sorry for the delay but like I said last time Ive been sso busy working on a new album for my badn Mighty Talon that I haven’t had much time to work on my web site. But never fear my loyal subjects for King Steve is back to reclaim his thorne and bring video game news and reviews for all my readers. “DO NOT WORRY FOR KNG STEVE IS BACK TO BRING PEACE TO THE KINGDOM!!” haha! So let’s get to the point of you coming to read my wb site and learn more about a game you are interested in. You are probably saying “Hey Steve what game are you ttaling about?" Well I won't hold you in ssupense any longer. Today I will be giving you my METAL REVIEW of the Korg DS10 for the Nintendo DS. It is supposdly a "REAL INSTRUMENT" but can it stand up to Mighty Talon's fearless leader Metal Steve? That is th e question! haha! "NO MORE STALLING HAVE AT YOU!"

Before I go any further I juswtant to point otu that I didn't buy this game. I know you are probably thinking "Whoa Steve is kind of one of those pop guys now that he has some keyboard!" because Mighty Talon never used keyboards but hey, don't look at me! haha! I didn't buty this game. No, my fans this was a gifvht from my girlfriend Samantha for Christmas. I don't even like Chrshtmas because Mighty Talon is METAL thus we "HAIL SATAN!" haha! Just kidding we're not a Satancic band I promise but we play harder and fastre than even the most Satanic metal band and we consider them our METAL BROTHERS. ""BROTHER SOF TRUE METAL PROUD AND STANDING TALL!" haha! So anyway on Christmas Samantha was like "Htye Steve merry Chrsitmas" and I was like "Oh crap I dforgot to get her something!" haha! She was kind of mad but then I serendaded her with my guitar and she was happier. Hey man, don't think Steve is any lses METAL for doing that though. Having sex with chichks is kind of more METAL than even playing as fast as I do with Mighty Talon and if I have to play soothnng music for Samantha on Christmas to score then I guess that makes me a sissy! haha!

Now on with the show!The Korg DS10 for the Nintendo DS is a keyboard for the Nintendo DS that lets you make techno or pop music if that is what you liek even if you shoudl instead be making METAL but you can't even loop a decent metal drum sound! I feel kind of bad that Samantha bougth this for me but it's like "Hey baby, I'm METAL and you can't change my true nature!" But just to be nice I horseda round with the Korg DS10 and it is actually kind of fun if you like to just goof off and make stupid music. don't worry, my loyal fans, I'm not going to releahse a soft rock or techno album or anthing like that! haha! Can you imagine "METAL STEVE'S EASY LISTENING ALBUM NOW AVAILABLE FROM STORES" Not! haha!

The Korg DS10 is a little confusign to figure out untless you have musical talenb tut thankfully I have musical knowledge and was able to figure it out. But people will probably buy it thinking its like Guitar Hero or Rock Band, both of which are sucky anyway! And then they will be all, "Wait the Korg DS10 sucks!" but it's because they dont have musical talent or know how to play music. But I can't give my thumbs up to the Korg DS10 because unless you listen to the Cure or something and think keyboards are better than guithars but if that is the case you probably sit in the corner all day and cry about how the world is sad because you're so emo and nto METAL enough to be like a man and face your problems! "WAH HOT TOPIC DIDN'THAVE THE SHIRT I WNAT FOR ME TO BUY SO NOW I'M LISTEN TO MORRISEY AND CRYING!" haha! I guess Korg DS10 for the Nintendo DS is something that msuicuans may like but really. You should just buy a guitar and learn to play a real instrument instead of a keyboard that the Nintendo DS plasy for you! But if you go buy the Korg DS10 I won't laugh too much at you because at least its real music and not fake music like Wii Music for the Nintendo Wii, but I won't be suproised if you also buy a copy of Tiger Beat or something too! haha!

So now you know why the Korg DS10 is better than Wii Music and Rock Band and Guitar hero but its still not a really good instrument when compard to a guitar because a guitar requires more talkent and skill instead of the Nintendo DS playign the keyboard for you. "YOU CANNOT ROCK UNLESS YOU HAVE THE CHOPS." But if you are a beginnr or your girlfriend gives it to you like mine did its still pretty fun just don't expect it to be anything that will blow your mind. It can only be usede by real msuicians but then again real musicians will want to play real instrument sand not a fake keyboard right?! haha! Until next time this si your favroite game reviewer signing off. Remember, as Metal Steve says: "KEYBOARDS ARE FOR WOMEN AND FLUFFY HAIR POP SINGERS--TRUE MEN PLAY METAL!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Wii Music

2008-12-12T14:44:00.000-08:00

Sorry everybody for not posting so much fori months but I've been busy working on the new Mighty Talon album and let me tell you this: "PREPARE TO HAVE YORU FACE MELTED OFF!!" haha! Just kidding about that, your face wont really melt off. Well, maybe it will if you play it loud enoughh! haha! But let's puth that ashide for a minute and get down tto business here which is why you came to this side in the first place right? It's time for my METAL REVIEW of Wii Music for the Nintendo Wii. So lets turn our amplighfer up to "11" and get ready to rock! haha!

OK, well I'ms oryy to say this Metal Steve fans but there are some things even I, the mighty Metal Steve am just no capable of. And that is plying music games that don't even have real music. I already told you how "GUITAR HERO" is really not that great of a game becahsuse the gutiar pplaying is totally fake! haha! Well Wii Music is even woese I have to admit because instead of something that looks like a real isntrument you have to play with the Wii Remote and the Wii Nunchuck. Where are the strings to srutum? This is "NOT METAL" at all! haha! "BUT CAN YOU ROCK OUT WITH WII MUSIC?" In aw ord NO WAY! haah! I know you might say, "Hey Steve, that's 2 words" and I have two wordsh for you: SHUT UP! haha!

Did you knwo why Nintendo made Wii Music? You might think that its to compete with GUITAR HERO" or "ROCK BAND" but really its because the guy at Nintendo who makes all the games, Miyimoto. He said, "Hey gusy I like to play the banjo so lets make a banjo game! But let's use the Nintendo Wii Remote!" and they had so much fun they kept adding more sintruments into they whole game was full of fake instruments and Miyimoto was like "Hey gusy, slow down! We have to sav esomething for the sequel!" haha! But then Nintendo had this game so they said "PUT IT IN STORES" nad then puti t on a disc and sold it to people. But unfortuntaely for people like me who are musicians its just fake music for people who don't know a guitar from a banjo! haha! "THERE IS NO REASON TO BELIEVE THIS IS MUSIC>" You might as well listen to rap and besidethe game has a rapper and record player which is just ddumb and not real music! haha! METAL FOREVER!

So now you know why Wii Music is not worth your har-dearned money and unless you are a posser who is NOT METAL you should just get a realy guitar and take lessons. You might ask me "Hey Steve, can yout each me to play guitar?" Sorry guys, I'm too busy with my band Mighty Talon to teach you how to play guitar and beside if you like Wii Music chanses are you don't knwo a think about msuic and are waisting my time! haha! I'm sorry ot be rude but you get notwhere in life lying to people. But keep practicign and one day you may be mighty like METAL STEVE of "MIGHTY TALON."

I need to go meet Samatha, my girlfirend for dinner because its our dat enight tonight and you know what that means. "METAL STEVE WILL BE HAVING DESERT TOO!" haha! Let's just say that I might end up playing Wii Music, or should I say "SAMANTHA MUSIC" tonight. I wonder what tyepy of instrument she is. Probably a bass drum or a tayko drum! haha! That's mean but i told her her big butt makes her tlook that way! haha! OK my loyal fans I'm sorry for being gone for so long. I'm so busy so I might nto be back for a while but until then remember, as Metal Steve says, "DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME WITH FAKE MUSIC WHEN THER EIS REAL METAL TO PLAY!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Super Mario Galaxy

2008-04-22T13:32:00.000-07:00

A couple days ago "Platinum" Daniel, the singer in my band Mighty Talon made me think about somtehing and I wonder if maybe he is right. I showed him Metal Steve's Game Riffs and told him about how it provides game reviews that are made for "HARDCORE" gamers but he said "Hey STeve whey are there no comments, maybe nobody reads it?" and I said "What do you mean?" Then he showed me how all of my articles say "Comments 0" at the end and I was like "I don't know, maybe there's nothing more to say after my thorough reviews!" haha! But Daniel said he thikns nobody reads this site. That got me kind of mad and I told him to get out of my house but then I started thinking and maybe Daniel is right that nobody reads this site. So if you read this site maybe you can let me know that you like my METAL REVIEWS or maybe I should stop making METAL REVIEWS and stick to just making METAL with Mighty Talon. I wanted to make a site for "HARDCORE" gamers who would say "Man, I'm sick of Gamepro, it's not hardcore enough" and when they'd type gameriffs.blogspot.com into their internet they would be like "Whoat his is so much better than Gamepro let me put that magazine in the trash, I've found a new source for game reviews" and I'd say "You mean METAL REVIEWS!" haha! I know that my faithful fans have go to be reading so I will keep the flame alive "THE SOUL STILL BURNS" haha! So let's get down to business and you can read my METAL REVIEW of Super Mario Galaxy for the Nintendo Wii. And don't be afraid to leave a comment even if you are intimidated by my knowledge! haha!

So as you all know Mario is a character that Nintendo created years ago. The guy who made Mario was really into Italy and wanted to travel there but when he made the original Mario games he was poor because Nintendo wasn't a very big company yet so he said "I know, I'll just put Italy into a game." But the president of Nintendo said "Nobody wants to play a game about Italy!" so the guy who made Mario said "OK, fine but he can be an Italian guy in a game right?" and the president said "Well, OK but give him a job." So the guy who made Mario made Mario a plumber becasue he used to work as a plumber when he was a kid in Japan because his dad was a plumber. That is why he put pipes into the game and mushrooms were his favorite food so he said "Ok let's put tha tin, too, man I wish I could go to Italy and get pizza with mushrooms on it! Oh well!" haha! So that is the history of Mario and why he is a plumber and eatss mushrooms. It's a godo thing Nintendo were poor back then because if the guy who made Mario went to Italy he maybe wouldln't have made Mario in the first place!

So ther ehave been lots of Mario games over the years but Nintendo have only made a few "real" Mario games like Super Mario World, Super Mario Bros, and now Super Mario Galaxy. They don't want people to get sick of Mario so they spread out the "real" games and put one out every seven years. This time they said "I know! Let's put Mario in space!" because the guy who makes Mario always wanted to go to the moon. It was his dream to be an astronaut when he was a kid but his dad said "You have to learn to be a plumber like me" but instead he made games and put in all the stuff he dreamed aobut. So anyway with the new one they said "Let's put Mario in space" but then they had to figure out how to do that. So they said "Mario doesn't need gravity since he's in space!" and so Mario can fly through all the stars. He still has to fight King Koopa and rescute the Princess but now he can fly with the help of the Wii Remote controller. You shake it to make spin and press the button to jump. It's kind of confusing especially when you're drunk! haha! But after playing for a bit you'll think "Wow, so this is what's it's like to live in space!"

Super Mari Galaxy ont he Nintendo Wii has the best graphics ever made for the Nintendo Wii because Nintendo used secrets that nobody else knows about. I don't know for sure but I think they used "MOTION CAPTURE" which is a special method to capture how people move and put that into how Mario flies. They also used advanced graphics chips to make the fire look real and took photos of the starts to make all the stars and planets look real too! It took a lot of work and I bet they were like "We're glad we can wait seven years before making another real Mario game!" haha! The game also has the best music ever in a Nintendo game because this is one of the first games to have real musicians playing the music. There isn't really any heavy metal in there but if you like classical music and catchy music you'll say "Wow, this is pretty good!" And there's a new girl that Mario spends time with who is maybe a rival to the Princess so the Princess is probably jealous! haha! I remember one time after a concert by my band Mighty Talon my girlfriend Samantha got mad because we let some chicks into the back area and one girl was sitting on my lap. Women! haha! That's probably what Mario says when the Princess gets mad. "Mama mia women!" haha!

So now you have read my METAL REVIEW of Super Mario Galaxy for the Nintendo Wii and know why it is such an amazing game. Nintendo wouldn't have Mario though if the guy who made Mario was allowed to go to Italy so be thankfull that he didn't go to Italy back then! That's kind of mean but he has so much money now he can probably buy Italy! haha! And don't worry he's been there over a dozne times. If you own a Nintendo Wii and you don't own Super Mario Galaxy you should go get it otherwise gamers like me will say "Hey what's wrong with you?" haha! And don't be afraid to levae a comment on the site and le tme know you are here even though I know you are. "YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME!" haha! OK my faithful fans, until next time this is your friend Metal Steve bidding you farewell. Remember, as Metal Steve says, "GOING ON VACATION IS FUN, BUT STAYING HOME AND DOING YOUR WORK PAYS OFF IN THE END!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Sin and Punishment

2008-04-17T14:25:00.000-07:00

When you come to read METAL REVIEWS at Metal Steve's Game Riffs you know you are getting information that you can't get from any where else on the World Wide Web or even in professional videogame magazines like Gamepro. Don't ask how I get all my information because like a magician a true METAL REVIEWER doesn't reveal who he does his tricks but let's just say I know a lot of people. That is why today I am going to present you with a review of a game that you might not know excisted. This game is what we hardcore gamers call and "UNDERGROUND" game because only people who aren't at the top of the sales charts in buying video games will know about it and since I am "UNDERGROUND" I know about it! haha! The game I am referring to is called, are you ready? SIN AND PUNISHMENT for the Nintendo 64. The game was never released outside of Japan but if you promise not to tell anyone, I will let you know a secret of how to play it outside of Japan! If you have a Nintendo Wii, did you know that you can find the game on the Virtual Console Channel? I bet you didn't know that! See, someone at Nintendo snuck it on there because they said "Wow, this game is so good we need to put it out outside of Japan!" so he made it available. You might go into Game Stop and ask them "Hey guys do you have Sin and Punishment for the Nintendo 64 or Nintendo Wii?" and they'd say "Sin and What? No game exists!" but it does! haha! Even though it's a Nintendo 64 game you can play it on your Wii if you know where to look. The bad news is the guy who snuck it on there accidentally made it more expensive so now you have to pay more than you wouldh have for a Nintendo 64 game but hey, you can still play it! AWEOSME! So prepare youself for my METAL REVIEW of Sin and Punishment. "UNDERGROUND GAMERS UNITE!"

Sin and Punishment for the Nintendo 64 is considered to be the best Nintendo 64 game ever made, even more than Mario 64 and Killer Instinct 64. In fact I don't think Killer Instinct 64 is good but my drummer Eric thinks it's awesome so I told him I'd put it in here. See that Eric are you happy now? haha. Killer Instinct 64 sucks! But Mario 64 doesn't suck but Sin and PUnishment is even better than Mario 64! It was made by a game maker called "TREASURE" who are the best game makers on the planet only nobody knows about them. They ar some guys who came from another game company, I think it was Capcom, and said "Hey we're tired of making games for other companies but not getting credit so let's make games for ourselves!" and so they formed a new game making company. They called themselves "TREASURE" because their games were also worth a lot of money, even when they came out. Sin and Punishment on the Nintendo 64 cost over $100 in Japanese money when it came out and now you can't find it anywhere unless you flew to Japan and the guys in the store would say "OK wel can sell you our copy but it's going to be expensive" and when you say "How expensive" they'll say "Don't ask!" and laugh. haha!

The president of Nintendo knew that the Nintendo 64 needed something special becasue even though it was the most powerful system on the planet when it was out the Sony Playstation was beating it because the Nintendo 64 didn't have games with gun and shooting. The game makers at Nintendo said, "Don't look at us, we just make peaceful games!" and they weren't sure what to do until someone remembered "Hey what about TREASURE?" So the president of Nintendo called the president of TREASURE and asked for a favor, "Can you make a game for us with lots of shooting?" and the presidnet of TREASURE said "I though you'd never ask!" So TRESSURE got to work adn a year and a half leter they presented Nintendo with a game. "Do you like what you see?" is what they said and Nintendo said "Yes!" TREASURE said, "We call it Sin and Punishment and it is for the Nintendo 64!" And the rest is history! Only it's probably history you didn't know unless you are "UNDERGROUND" like me, but now you do know it! haha! Consider yourself a part of the "UNDERGROUND" of hardcore gamers.

The goal in Sin and Punishment is to run as fast as you can through the levels and shoot as many enemies in th elevels as you can. The more enemies you shoot the highter your score goes. You have to hold the Nintendo 64 controller in kind of a weird way but after you get used to it you hand won't even hurt! Unless you're a wimp! haha! The game features some pretty heavy music that isn't quite METAL but it's still pretty good. The graphics are really amazing and have lots of enemies to shoot, a lot at once. It's really amazing. If you play it for the first time you might say "Hey Steve I acn't play this, this is too crazy!" but I will say be patient and try your best and soon you will be running thruogh the levels and shooting more enemies than you ever though possible. "IT'S A MIRACLE!" haha! You will get better I promise. Metal Steve doesn't break promises, so don't let me down! haha!

So now you know about TREASURE and their "UNDERGROUND" game calle dSin and Punishment for the Nintendo 64. If you know what you're doing when you search the Virtual Console Channel you can find it there except it's a little more expensive than it should be but that's OK because in Japan you'd have to pay at least $200 for Sin and PUnishment for the Nintendo 64. So the money you pay on the Virtual Console Channel is nothing compared to that, unless you're homless or something! haha! And then why are you playing Wii? Get a job! haha! OK that is all for now my faithful friends. Until next time, this is Metal Steve bidding you farewell. Remember as Metal Steve says: "UNLESS YOU THINK KILLER INSTINCT 64 IS GOOD, YOU WILL FIND REAL TREASURE WHEN YOU PLAY A TREASURE GAME." Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Guitar Hero

2008-04-16T16:31:00.000-07:00

Today I've got a METAL REVIEW of Guitar Hero but I've got to first apologize to my faithful fans for not posting in such a long time but man I've been so busy ad there has been a ton of drama in my life, it's crazy! First off because I was sick I didn't go to band practice last week but who should they put on guitar in mplace without me knowing? None ofther than that bastard Lightning Jim! No way! I was like "Whoa guys I don't want that ax hack ruining the songs I wrote with his sorry riffs" but my band members were like "Come on Steve, just give him a chance" but I was like "Forget it guys, I think Mighty Talon is ruined if you let LIghtning JIm play guitar in the band!" So we had a long fight but now it's just me on guitar as it should be though Lightning Jim keeps calling and begging me to meet with him so I can hear his guitar playing but I'm not going to! haha! Also Samantha got mad at me because I walked in on her in the bathroom when she was sick because I got her sick after I was sick. She was sitting on the toilet having diarrhea! haha! I was like "That's disgusting baby" but I was just joking though she didn't think it was funny and yelled atm e to get out then wouldn't talk to me before she went to work even though she was sick. I called in sick to my job though because you can't be sick and work around food even if you are the assistant manager. So as you can no doubt tell my life has been razy lately but don't worry, I am back and ready to bestow upon you my METAL REVIEW of Guitar Hero. Think of it as a METAL REVIEW of Guitar Hero from a "TRUE" real life Guitar Hero! haha! So let's get down to business here shall we? "DARKNESS IMPRISONING ME! ALL THAT I SEE! ABSOLUTE HORROR!"

There are actually more than one Guitar Hero games but they're all the same just with differet songs, so wehn I say "Guitar Hero" just remember that I'm talking about "ALL" Guitar Hero games and not just the first one. Did you know that in Japan there was Guitar Hero before it was here? It was called Guitar Freaks and was made by Konami. They didn't bother to put it out in the United States though, becasue Americans aren't very good musicians except for a select few like me! haha! So Konami was like "I don't know, maybe we'll put out a music game and see how it does" and that game was Dance-Dance Revolution and guess what? It was a smash hit! Americans love to dance but can they play guitar? Well a small company whose name I can't remember but they thought up bringing out Guitar Freaks in the US and Konami said "No!" so they said "Fine we'll bringing it out but with different songs and change the name." That name change was GUITAR HERO and they put it out on the Playstation2 and Konami was PISSED! haha! But the Supreme Court ruled that since the songs were different and the name was Hero, not Freaks that it was OK. So now that small company has made over one million dollars and a bigger company bought them and said "We'll help you out" and they have made a bunch of Guitar Hero games. They have it on the Wii, Playstation2, Playstation3, and every other system! It's every where! haha!

Btu remember how I said Rock Band wasn't that good because it was pretty much Pretend Band? It's kind of like that with Guitar Hero. You use the same type of dumb toy guitar and I was like "Whoa, what's this? There are no strings again!" and you just press buttons instead. For someone like me who is used to shredding on a real guitar it's kind of like an inslut, like they were all "Oh here's a guitar for you. Syke!" then instead of strings put plastic buttons. I was like "Is this a bad dream? Am I in Hell!" but I didn't wake up and there was no devil, so it was real. There were some pretty rocking songs like Megadeth and Metallica and even some sorto f metal bands I don't like as much who are still pretty good, but if you'r eplaying with a toy why bother? Here's a METAL STEVE NEWS FLASH for eveyrone out there: "Hey, if you want to see a real Guitar Hero why not fly out to Fresno and go to a Mighty Talon show!" Unless Litngtning Jim is there then don't bother because he sucks! haha!

Guitar Hero is a lot like Rock Band and not because they both suck but because they're both kind of the same thing only Rock Band has drums and microphone that you can play. But they both look kidn of the same, actually almost identical. I don't know why they copy each other but it's kind of embarassing. Guitar Hero is obviously first since it was Guitar Freaks in Japan first, but Rock Band is exactly the same except for drums and microphone so the guys who maed Rock Band should probably be ashamed of themselves for being stealers! Like how do they sleep at night? Oh yeah they make buckets of money so they don't care! haha! But that's dishonest money. At least the money I made at Mighty Talon shows or sometimes we just get free drinks but whatever, at least it's honest money and not money from stealing. It's like if I said "Oh hey guys, check out this new riff!" but I stole it from Anthrax. Scott Ian would kick my ass! haha! Well I could probably beat him up now because he's old but he's also from New York so who knows! And if you don't know how Scott Ian is you must not be METAL but he is a guitar player for Anthrax and I bet he thinks Guitar Hero sucks too! haha! An Anthrax song is in Guitar Hero and he's probably embarassed like "Hey guys look away it's hideous!" haha!

So now you know why Guitar Hero is terrible thanks to my METAL REVIEW of Guitar Hero.No matter what system you buy it for the restuls are the same, it's terrible. If you like to pretend you can play guitar and play with a plastic toy then I guess you should buy it, but you should also buy tickets to the Alanis Morissette concert while you're at it because you are totally NOT METAL. Well my faithful fans thank you for being patient while I was having drama in my life. It's great to know you understand, things are never easy for true Guitar Heros! haha! Until next time, this is Metal STeve signing off. Remember, as Metal Steve says, "IF YOU WANT TO BE A REAL GUITAR HERO, IT'S TIME TO PUT DOWN THE PLASTIC AND PICK UP THE METAL!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Kingdom Hearts

2008-04-10T13:10:00.000-07:00

yBefore I get into my METAL REVIEW of Kingdom Hearts for the Playstation2, I shoudl first apologize to all my faithful fans for not putting up any new reviews for a long time. I haven't been in a good mood lately because the guys in Mighty Talon were thinking about adding a second guitar player to the group. Right now I'm the only guitar player and they think that a second ax man would add some extra sound to our music during shows but I was like "Hey guys, no way! I can handle all of it!" but they seem to doubt my ability to handle all of it. So now we have to audition some dudes adn they want to add some guy named Lightning Jim who moved up to Fresno from San Diego but I hate San Diego so I'm like "Guys this guy is a tool!" haha! Why do I hate SAn Diego you ask? Well I'm glad you asked. I wanted to go to Tijuwana so I drove and drove my car but I ran out of gas when I got to San Diego, man that was a long trip. So I started waving my arms and asked for "HELP!" but then this car stopped and these kids started throwing eggs at me and calling me gay and stuff. I was like "What the heck!" The worst part is these kids were METAL because they had METAL tshirts on but apparently they didn't know I was METAL too event hough I was wearing a Pantera tshirt. So I vowed never to go to San Diego again. haha! Now that you know that story we can proceed with my METAL REVIEW of Kingdom Hearts for the Playstation2. "PRESS START!"

Kingdom Hearts is a Final Fantasy game but Square-Enix wanted to make it even better so they called up Disney and were like "Hey can we talk to Walt?" Really they asked for Walt becasue in Japan they don't know he's dead. The receptionist was like "I'm sorry, Walt is dead" so they talked to the president of Disney and said "Hey guys, we want to make a Final Fantasy game but make it even better so can we put Disney characters in it?" and the president said "Let me think about it." But his advisors said "Mr. President, Square-Enix makes lots of money and Final Fantasy is the most popular game ever made" so the president called back and said "Yes, youc an use Disney characters in your new game." It's a good thing he did because the game has made Square-Enix and Disney over a billion dollars! Wow! haha! Here's a Metal Steve secret for you. The KINGDOM in KINGDOM hearts stands for "MAGIC KINGDOM" which is what people call Disneyland. I'm not sure what HEARTS stand sfor but it's something from Square-Enix I'm sure.

You might think Disney isn't very METAL but at Disneyland they have some pretty METAL stuff like a haunted mansion. But I don't like Disneyland because there are too many disabled people who mess everything up for the rest of us who can walk and stuff. Samantha and I went to Disneyland a couple years ago and I was like "OK I'll go if we can go on Pirates of the Caribean" and she said we could. So we got in line but then all the boats got backed up when returning to the front because some fat guy in a wheelchair had to get in the boat and it took like vfive minutes! Samantha got mad because I yelled out "Hurry up man you're holding us all up!" but I was angry. I like handicapped people but maybe they should go someplace else or something. Like you wouldn't see a disabled dude in a most pit at a Mighty Talon concert so why do they need to go on Pirates of the Caribean? Maybe they should make a second Disneyland for disabled people and call it Disney Disabledland or something! haha!

So now that you know why Disneyland isn't very good because of all the handicapped people I can tell you why Kingdom Hearts is not like Disneyland but it is actually good. You play as a boy named Sora but you also have Donald Duck and Goofy with you and you have to save Mickey. You fight lots of enemies but the part that is fun for Disney fans is that you can play in every single Disney movie ever made. So if you like Pinochio or Snow White guess what! They've got it there for you! It's like a Disney fans dream come true! haha! Also there are cool monsters you fight that look like ghost shadows come to life. Kids might get scared until they see Donald Duck and Goofy and then they'll be like "Wow if Donald Duck and Goofy aren't scared I won't be either!" haha!

Kingdom Hearts for PLaystation2 is aone of the most expensive games ever made but it sold millions of copys and is the best selling game of all time so Square-Enix and Disney are happy. Even if you hate Disneyland you should play it. It's not really METAL but as you read in my METAL REVIEW it is still a good game. Man I am still so mad aout my stupid band wanting to add another guitar player. Lightning Jim can go back to San Diego for all I care! haha! Ok my friends this is your fearless leader Metal Steve signing off. Remember as Metal Steve says: "IT IS OK TO BE HANDICAPPED BUT DON'T HOLD UP THE LINE!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Pong

2008-04-04T13:13:00.000-07:00

Today I thought it would be fun to go back to the old days with a METAL REVIEW of the first game ever made. Well by first game I mean first video game because the first game was Chinese Checkers since China invented games. They also invented fireworks, gun powder, boats, dragons, and Chinese food. Well those and a lot of other things, they were busy! haha! But let's get back on track, shall we! Today's METAL REVIEW is about a game you probably once played but now think is old and lame and that game is called Pong. But don't worry if you think Pong is lame becasue I will show you why the game is still pretty awesome even today! Don't go anywhere! You'll like what you read, I promise! haha! OK let's start my METAL REVIEW of Pong now.

Pong was an Atari game from somewhere during the 1970's before there were any video games. That's right. Before Sega. Before Nintendo. And long before Microsoft! Back then there was just some guy who was into computers. But they weren't computhers like we have today. No, they were big like huge machines and they didn't do much. Like you could maybe get it to add or subtract but they weren't even able to multiply or divide so they weren't much help for kids with homework. Plus they were really expensive, so kids didn't have them anyway! haha! Anyway, this guy who started Atari was bored with computers one day and said "Hey I know, let me try making a game I can play on my computer" and that's just what he did. HIs favorite game ever was ping pong and he played it every week but because he worked on computers all day he didn't have time, so he said "Let me just make a poing pong game for the computer!" and he worked day and night until he created Pong! And that's the story of how Pong was made!

You probably know what POng is but just in case let me giv eyou some information on how you play Pong. Back when the guy who made Atari created Pong they didn't have keyboards and mouse for computers so he had to use what they had which were knobs. So you turn the knob one way or the other to move a block on screen. The block is supposed to be your paddle in ping pong. You'll have to excuse the bad graphcis because they couldn't do any better back then because their computers had bad screens! haha! There are two rectangles, one on each side and you hit a small square, which is supposed to be the ball back and forth like ina real ping pong match. I know that words like rectangles and squares can make you think of math and get scared but don't be! haha! "CAN YOU START A RALLY WITH THE BALL?" The object of the game is to get the highest score and beat the other player. You might think that I wouldn't like a game like Pong because it has bad graphics but you'd be wrong! haha! I'm the best Pong player in Fresno and nobody has ever beaten me! haha!

The guy who made Pong knew he had smoething good on his hands because the guys in his office couldn't stop playing. In fact they played so much that they weren't getting any work done on computers. He was like "Hey guys! We've got work to do here! What have I started!" haha! So he said "That's it, I'm erasing it from the computer" and everyone was sad, but what they didn't know is he had a secret plan. He was gonig to sell the game to people to play in thier homes and that required a lot of work. He had to start a company named Atari but he kept it a secret and didn't get a lot of sleep because he would work on Pong for peoples home after the guys in his computer office wen thome. Maybe he drank lots of coffee! haha! Anyway he eventually created a prototype of Pong for homes and sent it to a factory in China and they made copies and put them in boxes so he could sell them. Pong because the most popular game in the world until Pac-Man and Tetris came out and beat it. But it's still pretty popular beleive it or not!

That was my METAL REVIEW of Pong, thank you for reading it and being a loyal fan. I'm a lot happier now because Samantha and I are no longer fighting. If you remember I tried to do an April Fool joke on her and called her a "whore" but she didn't think it was funny. So I went to the grocery store and got her flowers and told her I'm sorry a lot of times. Now we're boyfriend and girlfirend again and all is good with life! haha! Let's just say that I won at Pong last night "IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!" haha! If it weren't for the guy who made Atari and his love of ping pong we'd hever have video games. So that means no Xbox-360, Playstation3, or Nintendo Wii if he didn't make Pong! Pretty amazing and scary too! haha! So until next time my fans this is Metal Steve heading out. Remember as Metal Steve says: "WE NEED TO RESPECT OUR ELDERS, EVEN IN VIDEO GAMES!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Dead Rising

2008-04-03T13:11:00.000-07:00

Today I wanted to talk to you about a game the singer for my band Mighty Talon likes a lot, and this game in questions is called Dead Rising. I like the game a lot, too, so I told my band's singer whose name is Daniel, or "Platinum Daniel" as we call him, that he has good taste in games. haha! We call him "Platinum Daniel" because that is how many records we plan to sell when we release our first album once we record it and get it released on a major recdord label. People will go to the CD store and be like "Hey do you guys have the new Mighty Talon CD" and the cashier will be like "Turn around and look behind you." When they turn around they'll see a whole wall with copies of the Mighty Talon album but they'd better be quick to grab a copy because there will be countless screaming fans running to grab a copy! Even black people who like rap and other types of people who don't usually like METAL will have to buy copies and say, "Whoa Steve, I didn't think I liked METAL but this Mighty Talon albummakes me like METAL now!" haha! It's gonig to be pretty awesome, I assure you. But now is not the time to talk about Mighty Talon. No, now is the time to talk about my METAL REVIEW of Dead Rising for the Xbox-360. So sit back nd prepare yourselfs my faithful fans, because my METAL REVIEW of Dead Rising for the Xbox-360 begins now!

The game Dead Rising is about a guy who takes pictures for a living and somehwo he gets stuck in a mall full of zombies in a small town in America. The guy's name is Frank and even though you can take pictures with his camera don't have to use that to fight zombies. Because you're in a mall you can just about anything you can find you can use to fight zombies. So that means you can use dummies they use to model clothes, guns, skateboards, golf clubs, man just about everything you can think of. There are even chainsaws and ninja swords! Plus you can change Frank's clothes but be careful because you might accidentally put him in woman's clothes and that's just not right! Poor Frank! "WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?" haha! I never know a cross-dresser that wasn't gay but Frank isn't gay so don't dress him like a woman! haha! But I don't hate gays or anything, it's just that Frank is not gay so don't do that to him! haha! But I bet even gays would buy the Mighty Talon CD when it comes out and I always support my fans.

The goal of Dead Rising for the Xbox-360 is to kill every single zombie in the mall. There are also "BOSSES" you have to fight like a clown with chainsaws and "CITIZENS" you have to rescue like fat people and little kids. But if you don't want to rescute the "CITIZENS" you can just choose not to do that if you don't feel like it. It's like "Hey guys I'm sorry but I'm too busy to save you, but there are weapons around the mall why don't you use those?" They're just lazy! haha! If you want to kill all the zombies here's a Metal Steve secret. There is a car hidden in the parking area but you have to find it which is not easy to do! But if you have the car you can run over zombies. It's not really that realistic though because you car doesn't even really take any damage so it lookskind of fake. But killing all the zombies with the car is the easy way to go! I don't know if the makers of Dead Rising want you to know that secret but now you do, thanks to your friend Metal Steve! "LET'S TAKE DOWN THESE ZOMBIES TOGETHER, OK?" haha!

Dead Rising is one of the most violent games ever but since you kill zombies and not living people nobody really cares. The game can be played by little kids and unless they're wimps they wno't be scared. Well not really little kids but I'm talkign like 10 or 12 years old, they can probably play a game like this. Just don't be surprised if they wet their pants from being scared! haha! But just tell him "Hey man, this isn't real so don't be such a wimp!" Well, maybe kids should not play a game like Dead Rising unless they're brave. Ask the kids "ARE YOU BRAVE ENOUGH TO FIGHT ZOMBIES!" but if they don't say "Yes" then don't let them play the game. Adults will really like the game, though, and they should run to get a copy if they don't already own it. Even if they own it, though, they should play it again! haha!

Now you have read my METAL REVIEW of Dead Rising for the Xbox-360 and know why both Platinum Daniel and me like it so much. It is a violent game but since you just kill zombies it's not so bad. Maybe you shouldn't let kids play it but if they're kind of brave kids they will probabyl want to play it and it won't be a problem. Just don't be surprised if they pee their pants if they're not brave! haha! But zombies aren't living people so the violence isn't that bad! Now if you will excuse me I must get ready for band practice with my band Mighty Talon. We are trying otu a new song that I wrote today and hopefully Eric our drummer has been practicing. He's kind of been slacking off on his practicing lately and has been sloppy. He'd better watch out or Platinum Daniel and I will send Eric to a mall fullof zombies that want to eat his brains. "BRAINS! WE COME FOR BRAINS!" haha! Until next time this is Metal Steve bidding you a fond farewell. Remembe,r as Metal Steve says: "DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE ZOMBIES, BE MORE AFRAID OF DRESSING LIKE A LADY!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Pac-Man

2008-04-01T13:20:00.000-07:00

Today I have a METAL REVIEW of one of the most popular games of all time. You've probably heard of it because it's called PAC-MAN. "CAN YOU GET THE POWER PELLETS?" haha! But before I start my METAL REVIEW of Pac-Man I wanted to let you know that Samantha is mad at me. She didn't like that I called her a whore last night even though I was joking! She told me I could sleep on the couch but really it was a joke! That's a Metal Steve promise. IT was technically April Fools Day because it was past midnight and we were drinking beer and watching TV. I said "Hey Samantha I heard you had an abortion from Eric! Why are you doing it with Eric you whore!" but before I could say "April Fools!" she walked out of the room and when I went after her she was like "Steve get away I hate you that's not true" and so I said "April Fools!" but she was like "Get away!" so I went to the other room. Today when she left for work I said "Sorry!" but she just walked out withotu saying Goodbye. Man, I guess she's mad! What a whore! haha! Just kidding! No really I'm just kidding! I don't think Samantha is a whore. haha! But if I seem kind of sad or weird in this METAL REVIEW of Pac-Man now you know why I am that way.

Back in the 1980s Pac-Man was a total culture trend. Everyone from old grannies to little school kids were like "Whoa, what is this game?" and they paid millions of dollars in quarters to play it. Well not everyone paid millions, I mean if you tallie it all up you'll find it was millions of dollars. haha! But did you know how Pac-Man got his name? That's a secret but leave it to your old pal Metal Steve to fill you in on the dteails here. OK, there was this guy in Japan who invented Pac-Man but he wanted to call it FAT-MAN because all the guy did is eat. He had to use kind of bad graphics because that was all that was possible at the time but he said "I know, I'll make him totally round because he's fat and he'll eat a bunch of food because he's fat!" But since the guy was from Japan he didn't speak English very well and when he said Fat-Man it sounded like Pac-Man! But nobody could understand him when he tried to explain it and he just gave up and said "Fine, call Fa-tMan Pac-Man if you wnat to" and that is what happened! So now we all know him as Pac-Man but really he's Fat-Man! I know you are blown away by this information I'm sure! haha! But it's all true and that's a Metal Steve promise.

You know why now that he is called Pac-Man but did you know why there are ghosts? It's because they are haunting him because he's so fat. Remember in Scrooge when the ghosts come to haunt him because he's so bad adn they're saying "You are going to die if you don't change your ways?" It's the same thing in Pac-Man only they're saying "We are going to make you die if you don't stop eating so much" but I guess they're kind of evil ghosts because they kill him anyway even if he stops eating! haha! But luckily Pac-Man has a secret weapon called a "POWER PELLET" that he can eat that lets him eat ghosts. The bad news is the ghost are indestructible so if he eats them their eyes which are not edibile fly back to their secret base and the ghosts come back, hungry for revenge. "LOOK OUT, PAC-MAN!" haha!

I saw a picture of the number one Pac-Man player in the world and thought he was METAL because he has long hair and a beard. His name is Billy but I can't remember his last name but that does'nt matter because he is NOT METAL I totally assure you. He might be good at Pac-Man but he makes hot sauce for a living and if he were METAL he woudl not have such a lame job. haha! I mean I might be an assistant manager to pay bills but I also am the top METAL guitar player in all of Fresno and possibly California, so unless Billy has an awesome band like Mighty Talon that I don't know about, he is NOT METAL. He is good at Pac-Man, though, so I have to give him respect for that and maybe I'd have a beer with him but I don't think we could be friends. haha! But congratulations on your score Billy!

You have now read my METAL REVIEW of Pac-Man which is one of the most popular games ever. I don't think it's quite as popular as Tetris and it's not as peaceful because Pac-Man "OR SHOULD I SAY FAT-MAN" and the ghosts try to get each other. haha! Pac-Man has kind of bad graphcis but I can't blame them because they didn't know any better and couldn't make anything better back then. Just remember if Gamepro or some other magazine tries to tell you that Pac-Man is actually supposed to be Fat-Man you heard it from Metal Steve's Game Riffs first! haha! If it wasn't for some guy ffrom Japan not being able to speak English then we'd all be calling him Fat-Man! haha! OK my faithful fans that is all for this time. Hopefully by next time Samantha will stop being mad at me and forgive me for calling her a whore! haha! This is Metal Steve signing off. Remember as Metal Steve says: "LAY OFF THE SNACKS OR YOU'LL GET HAUNTED BY EVIL GHOSTS!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Rock Band

2008-03-31T09:09:00.000-07:00

As you all know I play guitar in a band called Mighty Talon who plays METAL exclusively. We don't mix in anything else but instead it's pure METAL that rips everynoe else to shreds. One of my fans said "Hey Steve you should try out Rock Band" and I said "Hey why do I need to play that when I'm already in a METAL band?" haha! But I took him up on his offer and went to his apartment to play it but only because he said he'd have free beer there. He didn't warn me it'd be Coors though and I was not too impressed with it! haha! I thought that being in a METAL band myself I would be the perfect person to review Rock Band but I should have known better since it's called ROCK Band and not METAL Band that iw ouldn't be very good. So sit back and prepare yourself for my METAL REVIEW of Rock Band for the XBox-360. The game is also on the Playstation3 and here's a Metal Steve rumor for you. It's coming for the Nintendo Wii but Nintendo is keeping this a secret right now for some reason.

In Rock Band for the Xbox-360 you can play guitar, bass, microphone, or drums. I brought my drummer Eric with me to try out the drums while I figured I'd play guitar. When I picked up the guitar though I was like "What is this crap?" Instead of strings it's just 5 big buttons that you press instead. That's not a guitar it's a toy! haha! Eric told me the drums suck big time, too! He sat down and was like "Whoa Steve this crap doesn't even have a high hat or cymbals." Plus he was upset there was no double bass pedal so that he could perform his patented machinegun bass drumming while I performed my patented finger tapping over his machinegun bass drumming. What a gip! Plus everything feesl totally cheap like it was made for little kids or something.

We tried to have fun though but I'm sorry if you'r ein a METAL band and someone says "Here Steve play guitar with this toy" you can't have fun. And the songs you can play are all pretty lame. There's not that much METAL to choose from. Most of it is crap like Nirvana or all these other bands I haven't even heard of. I was like "Hey where's the Megadeth? Where's the Pantera?" Where's the Yngwie Malmsteen?" but the guy who invited us over was like "Oh sorry guys but there's Blue Oyster Cult." That is nto METAL people! Rock Band would be a thousand times better if it were METAL Band but they might as well call it POP BAND. haha!

There aren't even music notes or guitar tab on the screen or anything, either! When you play these colored lines come down the screen and you're supposed to press a button at the time they come down the screen. I kept failing the songs and so did Eric and the guy with Rock Band was like "I thought you guys were in a band" which pissed us off. I was like "This is not real music you moron!" and both Eric and I drank the rest of his Coors and left. But we cussed him otu pretty bad first and told him to have fun with his stupid toys. His neighbors got mad that we were making so much noise but get used to it people. Mighty Talon are the loudest METAL band on the planet. Remembe rin that movie Spinal Tap where they crank it up to 11 because it's louder than 10 which was the limit? Well Mighty Talon takes it up to 12! We're the loudest! haha!

So now you know why Rock Band is stupid and you shouldn't waste your time on it. If you're METAL like me it's an insult actually. There's no reason to play with those plastic toys unless you're a baby and can't play real instruments like me and my bandmates in Mighty Talon. They should just call it "Fake Band" haha! I hope the guys who made Rock Band are embarassed of themselves and stop wastinmg our time with these pointless games. Go play some real instruments guys! haha! That is all for now, my faithful fans. Until later this is Metal Steve signing off. Remember, as Metal Steve says, "YOU CAN'T FAKE THE REAL THING SO PUT AWAY THE TOYS AND BRING THE NOISE!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword Part 2

2008-03-29T18:46:00.001-07:00

Guys I'm so sorry about yesterday. It turns out I was an idiot and didn't realize that the game is supposed to be sideways! I was all upset about Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword being faulty and when Samantha got home from work I was like "Hey baby we need to hurry to Sears before they close so I can return this stupid broken game!" She told me to calm down and aso said that she wasn't going to take me because I was drunk and knew that when I get drunk I get crazy! haha! I like to party what can I say? It was Friday! haha! So anyway I showed her the game and she said "Hey Steve! Maybe you are supposed to play it like Brain Age?" You see, there is this game for the Nintendo DS called Brain Age that you use to get smarter and Samantha plays it all the time but I hate it because it's totally lame! haha! It's like "How is some game supposed to make me smarter it's not like it's a book or anyhting!" haha! So thanks to Samantha I now know how to play Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword for the Nintnedo DS. Prepare yourself for my METAL REVIEW my faithful fans. Hey who says women aren't good for anything? haha!

Before I get into my METAL REVIEW let me tell you a secret about this game. Ninja Gaiden used to be a Nintendo game on the Nintendo Entertainment System. There were three differeent Ninja Gaiden games but then the guys who made it decided they wanted to put their game on the most powerful system possible. At the time they decided to make a new one the most powerful system possible was the Xbox and that is the system they made a Ninja Gaiden for. Nintendo was totally pissed and said "Hey guys what gives?" but the Ninja Gaiden creators said "Sorry Nintendo but unless you make the most powerful or popular system ever we have to put Ninja Gaiden on another system." So that inspired Nintendo to create the Nintendo DS and make it the most powerfl system ever only Sony came in with the PSP which was way more powerful. So Nintendo had only one choice left, to make the Nintendo DS the most popular system ever and that is what they did. So they called the guys who made Ninja Gaiden and said "Hey look! The Nintendo DS is the most popular system ever so now will you make a Ninja Gaiden game for us?" and the creators fo Ninfa Gaiden said "Yes." So now you know how Nintendo got the creators of Ninja Gaiden to make Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sowrd for the Nintendo DS!

I told you before that you have to hold the Nintendo DS sideways to play the game but don't worry it's not some stupid brain training game! haha! But it's not like playing Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword will make you stupider either so dno't worry! haha! In Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword you play as a ninja with super powers. You can slash enemies with a sword or throw throwing stars at them or even body slam them if you're really good like me. You have to control every thing with the stylus but don't worry it's not that bad! haha! Actually it's pretty good and I was very impressed. I was like "Wow these guys know what they're doing don't they?" Controlling a ninja is pretty cool but the game tricks yo uat the beginning but don't be fooled. They make you play as some chick ninja and even though she's kind of good I was like this is crap because the box has an awesome looking ninja on it and where is he? Well don't worry my faithful fans because the creators of Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sowrd have heard your pleas and soon you will play as that awesome ninja so hang in there! haha!

The game is really good because you get to play as an awesome ninja and it also has really good graphics. I think the creators of Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword paid Nintendo extra to learn some secrets of how to maek good graphcis on the system because these are the best graphics the Nintendo DS has ever had. I think maybe they called Nintendo and said "Hey we'll give you money just tell us how to make good graphics!" and Nintendo was like whoa free money and told them! haha! But it was worth the extra price becasue these are the best graphics on the Nintendo DS ever. It's got some pretty good music too but it all sounds kind of Chinese or something and I think it needs more METAL! Like if you're an awesome ninja do you want some Chinese guy banging on a drum or would you rather have a metal band doing some kick-ass tunes? Mayabe in the next game the creators of Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword should get my band Mighty Talon to make the music for the game! Hey guys give me a call! haha!

So now you have read my METAL REVIEW on why Ninga Gaiden: Dragon Sword is the best graphics on the Nintendo DS and that you should totally buy it. I think you will not be disappointed. "DO YOU HAVE THE SKILL TO BE A MASTER NINJA?" If you don't care about the stupid Chinese music in the game and like awesome graphics I know you will like this game. Just don't freak out of you put the game in and it is sideways because that is how it is supposed to be, just turn your DS on its side and you are set! Maybe they should pute a note on the box or something though! haha! OK my faithful friends it is time for me to head out to band practice but until next time this is Metal Steve bidding you farewell. Remember as Metal Steve says: "GIVE THINGS A SECOND CHANCE AND MAYBE THEY WILL GET BETTER!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword

2008-03-28T16:16:00.000-07:00

DO NOT BUY THIS! Warning! This is an official METAL STEVE BOYCOTT. There is something wrong with this game where it is sideways on the screen. Hpefully it's just my copy but I don't think so. I called the Sears where I bought it and the guy I talked to didn't know anything about it. I don't see how Nintnedo could let a broken game like this be released for their system. I'm going to return this to Sears when my girlfriend Samantha gets home because she has the car. But I think that there was a big mistake when they pressed copies of the game in the factory. Maybe someone hit a wrong button and it made the game go sideways on accident or something. Well thats' what you get for paying people minimum wage I guess! haha! I will update you tonight my faithful fans but I think this game is busted. Hopefully Sears has a copy that works but I am scared that all of them migh tbe broken. Until later this is Metal Steve signing off. Remember, as Metal Steve says, "DON'T GET RIPPED OFF BY SIDEWAYS GAMES!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews MLB 08 The Show

2008-03-27T09:58:00.000-07:00

This review is kind of different because it's not a game that I would normally play but instead a game someone gave me for free. Let me explain it to you so you can undersatand what I'm talking about. I don't want you to get confused! haha! Last week one of my fans sent me a message saying "Hey Steve I run a baseball web site called Gas Lamp Ball and I want you to review a game for us" and I was like "That's cool but I don't watch sports!" I'm too busy with practicing with my band Mighty Talon and partying with my girlfriend Samantha not to mention having to work to pay the bills to find time to watch sports. But I figure a game's a game, right? So I said "OK send it to me" and they sent me a copy of the game. It is called MLB 08 The Show and it is for the Playstation3. I'm so good at video games that I can master any game you put in front of me and I knew that I would be good enough to master MLB 08 The Show for Playstation3. So sit back my faithful friends and prepare yourself for my METAL REVIEW of MLB 08 The Show for Playstation3.

Now you might be saying to yourself "Steve doesn't even like sports! How can he play a basebaqll game for Playstation3?" Don't worry I won't fail you! Think of this like Superman where I go into a telephone booth and change into a different person. Only this time it's SUPER SPORTS STEVE instead of METAL STEVE. haha! Do you guys hear that phone ringing? That's me calling from the phone booth to say "Super Sports Steve will save the day!" haha! I have played MLB 08 The Show a lot now and I can safely say I have mastered the game. My girlfriend Samantha was mad last night because I was only playing the game and not partying with her but I said "Baby please. I need to play this for my METAL REVIEW. My fans sent me this game and are depending on me!" She was totally mad and wouldn't talk to me but guess who she still ended up in bed with? I guess maybe I do know about baseball because I hita bit homerun last night! haha!

Let me tell you a little bit about what MLB 08 The Show is all about. Maybe you are like me and don't watch sports. We should stick together! haha! OK. Baseball is all about hitting the most pitches and scoring the most points. The best wayt to score points is to hit a "homerun" when the pitcher throws the ball to you. That means you hit the ball so far that it goes over everyone's head and into the audience. If you hit it so far that it goes all the way over the audience it's called a "grand slam." If you hit the ball and it doesn't go over everyone's head but the other guys don't catch it, it's called a "single," a "double," or a "triple." How hard you hit the ball is the reason for which type of hit you get. There are different teams and each one has its own strengths and weaknesses. When you choose your team in the game the screen shows if they are a good team or not. I chose to play as the Los Angeles Dodgers because that was the only team I'd heard of! With the Dodgers I mastered the game so maybe they are the best baseball team. I know I know! It's complicated! haha! But that's baseball in a nutshell.

There are two main things you do in MLB 08 The Show. The first is to hit the ball. You press the X Button at the right time to hit it. If you are really good like me you might even get a homerun. And I don't mean a homerun with a lady even if I get that too! haha! No I mean a homerun where the ball goes over everyone's head. "CAN YOU GET A GRAND SLAM?" Only true masters like me score grand slams but if you keep practicing you can score one some day! Hang in there! haha! The other main thing you do in MLB 08 The Show is be the pitcher. Depending on which button you press you can throw different types of pitches. If you throw a good pitch it's called a "strike." If you throw a bad pitch it's called a "ball." The goal is to get three strikes and score an "out" on the other team. I know I know I'm getting carried away with the rules, but knowing them is important if you wan tto master MLB 08 The Show for Playstation3. If you don't master the rules you might as well not play the game at all!

The graphics in MLB 08 The Show are really good but for some reason these announcers keep talking the whole time and telling you everything that's happening in the game even though you can see it for yourself. Maybe that's for people who are blind or need glasses or something! haha! Why do I need an announcer to tell me I got a strike when I can see it on the screen? It doesn't make sense. But maybe that's what baseball fans like to hear because it makes them feel good. If the guy says "He pitched a strike" maybe people say "You're right I did! I'm awesome!" haha! The players all look pretty real, like real people running on the screen. When Samantha came into the room one time to yell at me she thought I was just watching baseball on TV. Tha's how good they look! But she was pretty drunk too because she likes to party. But when she gets drunk that's when I get to make a "homerun" if you know what I mean! haha!

So even though I don't like sports I was still able to master MLB 08 The Show for Playstation3 and provide you with my METAL REVIEW. If you take the time to figure out the rules for baseball you'll probably enjoy the game even if you are like me and don't watch sports or even know the rules! It has good graphics and sometimes even looks real, especially if you're drunk or something! haha! It was very nice of a fan to send me this game for review and that makes me think that if any other fans have games they should send them to me and I will review them! But mayb enot sports games because I really don't like sports even if I have the talent needed to master sports games. Maybe game companies can send me a copy of games that haven't come out and I can tell the world about them. I could be like "Hey guys! Super Mario Galaxy 2 is really amazing!" How awesome would that be? OK my faithful fans, until next time this is Metal Steve signing off. Remember, as Metal Steve says: "HITTING HOMERUNS IS FUN IN BOTH BASEBALL AND REAL LIFE!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Tetris

2008-03-26T16:33:00.000-07:00

Today I thought I would bring with me a METAL REVIEW of a game that everyone has probably played. No, not Pac Man! No, not Grand Theft Auto! haha! The game I'm talking about that everyone has probably played is called Tetris. Even old people and little kids have played Tetris. But did you know the secret history of how Tetris was made? You might think "Hey Steve what are you talking about here?" but I bet you didn'tk now that it was made in the U.S.S.R. back in the 1980s! I know all the trivia! haha! Read my METAL REVIEW my faithful fans, and you will be blown away by this amazing game!

I promised you that I'd tell you the secret history of Tetris and that is what I'm going to do. Are you ready? "CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH?" LIke I said before the game was made in the U.S.S.R. We might be friends with Russia now but did you know there was a time when Russia was our enemy? That is whey they were called U.S.S.R. The leader of Russia was at war with the United States and they built lots of weapons to get the United States if we ever attacked. We built lots of weapons too, including "nuclear bombs" that could wipe out the entire planet! It was a scary time! It's a good thing I can't remember much of it thanks to all the beer I was drinking! haha!

Let me move on with my tale. OK there was one guy in Russia who wasn't our enemy. I can't remember his name, but I think it was Vladamir or Andre. Soemthing like that. I don't know because I don't speak Russian! haha! But he cared about peace and instead of building weapons, he made a peaceful game called Tetris. But Tetris was stuck behind "THE IRON CURTAIN" until Nintendo stepped in and told the guy "Whoa! This game is awesome! We want to put this on our new system called The Gameboy." The guy probably sent a demo to Nintendo or something. Maybe he was like "Hey guys, I made this game you might like. Please get me out of the U.S.S.R. because it sucks so bad here!" haha So the maker of Tetris agreed to sell his game to Nintendo and the rest is history.

Everyone in the world knows how to play Tetris but I will tell you just in case you are that one person who hasn't played the game. But if that is true then why are you reading Metal Steve's Game Riffs? This place is for hard core games only! Get out of here! haha! No don't worry I'm just kidding. I'm glad you are here but you should play Tetris! Tetris is a simple game that is hard to master. You have to move falling blocks and form lines. If you make 4 lines at once you get a lot of points because you just made a "TETRIS." I don't know what the word Tetris means because I don't speak Russian but I think it means PUZZLE in Russian. That is my guess. Don't look at me if I'm wrong though. No guarantees! The only Metal Steve guarantee here is that the game is awesome and you will like it so you should play it!

Tetris is the world's most popular game and is the number one game in Russia. Now that you have read my METAL REVIEW you know why Tetris is so special. It is becasue one man care dabout peace so much that Tetris was made and is so special. And Nintendo were nice enough to step in and say "Hey this game is awesome let's put it on The Gameboy!" and saved the maker of Tetris from a horrible life in the U.S.S.R. There have been thousands of versions of Tetris and there will be thousands more and I'm okay with that because the game is so awesome! That is all for this time, so this is Metal Steve bidding you a fond arewell. Remember as Metal Steve says, "BLOCKS NOT BOMBS ARE THE WAY TO PEACE!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Geometry Wars Galaxies

2008-03-24T16:37:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! It's time for another METAL REVIEW and here to give you the goods is yours truly, Metal Steve! Today I want to tell you about an absoultely incredible game that you may not have heard of before. It is called Geometry Wars Galaxies for the Nintendo Wii. But before I tell you about the game I thought I'd update you about Eric, the drummer for my band Mighty Talon. If you remember last time I told you about how Eric forgot how to drum and was in danger of being kicked out of Mighty Talon unless he remembered how to drum. I went into practice the next day and said "Hey Eric, what's wrong? Did your hymen break yet?" haha! Eric got so angry that he started pounding on his drums in anger but it made him remember how to drum! He was like, "Thanks Steve! Now I won't be kicked out of Mighty Talon!" I thought you would all appreciate that story if you like happy endings. Plus, I'm not mad any longer! haha!

OK let's get down to business. Geometry Wars was originally a game for the Xbox-360 but Nintendo stole it and put it on the Nintendo Wii. They called the company that makes Geometry Wars and said "How about putting it on our system? You can even sell it on a disc!" This was what made the guys who make Geometry Wars make a game for the Nintendo Wii. Microsoft made them put it out on the Internet only, so people had to download it. But on the Nintendo Wii they could put it on a disc and sell it in stores, which means more money. Everyone likes money! haha! So they made a new game called Geometry Wars Galaxies for the NIntendo Wii and the rest is history.

Now that you know why it's on the Nintendo Wii and not the Xbox-360, we can talk about if the game is even any good or not. "WAS IT WORTH THE WAIT?" Yes it was! You probably would think the game is sucky if you saw the graphics because it looks like Asteroids or something. But let me tell you something. This game uses all of the power of the Nintendo Wii. You might say "Hey Steve, it's just a bunch of lines!" but you're wrong. Lik ethe name implies Geometry Wars Galaxies uses geometry to run the game. But don't think it's like the geometry class you took in high school. Hey, I failed that class too! haha! But it doesn't matte rif you are good at math or not. It's just geometry that the game makers used to build the game. But it's super difficult geometry that even the top math expert couldn't do! If the top math expert saw the game being made they'd probably be like "Whoa even I can't do that!" haha! But lucky for us the Nintendo Wii can do math so well that it can run Geometry Wars Galaxies.

I said Geometry Wars Galaxies kind of looks like Asteroids and that's pretty much the type of game this is. You control a ship and just blast all kinds of bad guys and try to get the top score. The game is called Geometry Wars Galaxies because you travel through the galaxy and blast all kinds of differnet enemies in each galaxy. Every galaxy has different music and colors, so you never get bored. Can you get the top score? Here's a Metal Steve tip. I kind of don't want to tell you because I don't want you to beat my score, but I'm a nice guy what can I say? haha! Are you ready? Here it is. Go get a classic controller for the Nintendo Wii. It's easier to control your ship and blast enemies that way. But don't go beating my score becuase I'll be mad at you! haha! No I'm just kidding. Go ahead and see if you have what it takes to beat the mighty METAL STEVE. No pretenders to the throne will be spared! haha!

I hope you enjoyed reading my METAL REVIEW of Geometry Wars Galaxies for the Nintendo Wii. Before reading my review you might have said "What game is that?" but now I hope you go out and buy it. But just don't expect to beat my score unless you've got what it takes. Did I mention that you can up load your scores via the Nintendo WiFi connection and see how you compete with the players from across the world? That is a really awesome feature but you have to have wireless internet in your home. Since I'm a tech guru you can bet that I have that! haha! Maybe you can up load yours core and see if you can compete with METAL STEVE. Just don't go crying to your mom if you find out I've crushed your best score! haha! OK my faithful fans, until next time this is Metal Steve saying farewell. As Metal Steve says, "EVEN IF YOU HATE MATH SOMETIMES IT CAN BE USED FOR GOOD." Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Bonk's Adventure

2008-03-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

Before I start telling you about Bonk's Adventure I have to get something out of the way. I'm in a really bad mood today and I don't want you to think it's your fault. It would suck if you were reading this and were saying "Whoa Steve. Waht's wrong? Why are you so mad at me? I'm just reading your METAL REVIEW of Bonk's Adventuer, I didn't do anything wrong!" haha! No my loyal fans, do not worry. I'm not mad at you. It's my stupid drummer Eric. Somehow Eric forgot how to play drums. It's so weird. At our band practice tonight Eric suddenly was playing like he was special ed or something. I'm sorry that wasn't so "PC" but that's how he sounded! haha! I was like "Hey Eric! What's happening!" but he told me "Steve I don't know what's wrong I can't play!" I told Eric he needs to shape up or he's out of Mighty Talon. I don't accept anything but the very best. That's why my reviews are the way they are. I expect the very best and give the very best as well! That's a Mighty Steve promise. When you read my reviews yo can bet that they are the best there are to offer. I put my word on it, and nothing is more sacred than that. Now let's get onto the review of Bonk's Adventure! Without further delay my fans, here is my METAL REVIEW of Bonk's Adventure for the Turbo-grafx 16!

Sega has Sonic the Hedgehog and Nintendo has Mario. YOu heard of the Sega Genesis and the Super Nintendo Entertainment System, but did you know there was a third system back then that also had a mascot? That system was the Turbo-grafx 16 from a company called NEC. I'm not sure what NEC stands for because it's something in Japanese and I don't speak Japanese, but they tried to bring out a system to compete with Sega and Nintendo. Too bad for NEC their system was a complete failure and they went out of business because they got crushed by Sega and Nintendo. The Turbo-grafx 16 was supposed to have the most powerful graphics available here's a secret nobody knows about. It didn't because it wasn't a real 16-bit system like the Sega Genesis and "SNES." But even though the Turbo-grafx 16 was an imposter in t he system wars it did bring out a mascot that was popular despite the system being a failure. That character was named Bonk. He was a caveman who used his head to smash dinosaurs that stood in his way!

So now that I've given you the history of the Turbo-grafx 16, let's move on and talk about Bonk's Adventure. Bonk's Adventure for Turbo-grafx 16 is a pretty good game, but it failed against Super Mario World and Sonic the Hedgehog. But being a true gamer I must point out that I still played it and enjoyed it. I mastered the game and finished it too many times to count, so you can even call me the "BONK'S ADVENTURE EXPERT." What you did in Bonk's Adventure is go through pre-historic levels and use your head to headbutt enemies. All the enemies are dinosaurs although some of them look like men so maybe they were cavemen too! haha!

The graphics and sound in Bonk's Adventure are pretty good, but compared to Super Mario World and Sonic the Hedgehog they were not as good. You can't compete with 16-bits of power when you don't have that much. Remember that I explained already how bits are like horsepower. Bonk's Adventure is like a junky old car racing against a Ferrari. You just can't win! And don't worry, I know a thing or two about cars. There's no way a Ferrari can lose against a junky old car, and that is how Bonk's Adventure was. It might have been fun to drive, but if you can drive a Ferrari as well why bother? haha!

Now you might be saying "Hey Steve, why did you bother playing Bonk's Adventure if Sonic the Hedgehog and Super Mario World are better?" Good question! It's because I play everything. I think it's my duty to play a lot of games so I can report my reviews to my fans and friends. It's like those guys that review movies. "METAL STEVE GIVES THIS GAME TWO THUMBS DOWN!" haha! Only Bonk's Adventure isn't that bad. It's more like one thumb up and one to the side. It's good but not great. It has a good graphics and music, but it can't compete with the superior Super Mario World and Sonic the Hegehog.

Now you know why Bonk's Adventure was not as good as the others. It's still a good game. You should try it out of if you have a chance but don't expect it to be as good as Super Mario World or Sonic the Hedgehog. You might like it more if you're really into cavemen and dinosuars or something, even if that's kind of weird! haha! Let me give you a final Metal Steve tip. The Turbo-grafx 16 was called Turbo because the cotnrollers had "turbo switches" that you can turn on and off. If you turn it on in Bonk's Adventure he spins really fast making him invincible. I don't think the makers of the game want that secret to be out but they went out of business so it's not like they can sue me now! haha!

So now you have heard my METAL REVIEW of Bonk's Adventure for Turbo-grafx 16. It's a good game but it's not going to satisfy people who have played Super Mario World or Sonic the Hedgehog, but it's still pretty good. You should try it out if you have a chance but don't go out of your way or antyhing! it's not really worth it! haha! I hope you didn't think I was mad at you during this review either. It's not your fault! It's Eric's for forgetting how to drum. Whatan idiot! haha! OK my faithful fans, until next time this is Metal Steve signing off. As Metal Steve says, "YOU CAN'T COMPETE WITH A FERRARI SO DON'T BOTHER!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Super Smash Bros. Brawl

2008-03-21T11:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday you all read my METAL REVIEW of Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games. You might have said "How can the world handle more than one cross over between Nintendo and Sega!" but get ready to have your mind blown because there is yet another game for the Nintendo Wii that features Super Mario and Sonic the Hedgehog together. That game is called Super Smash Bros. Brawl and it has quickly become the number 1 game ever to be released on the Nintendo Wii. It might even be the number 1 game in history soon. So sit back and relax, because I'm proud to present you with my METAL REVIEW of Super Smash Bros. Brawl for the Nintendo Wii. Like the announcre says in After Burner when your jet is leaving the air craft carrier: "GET READY!" haha!

Let me first give you a history lesson about Super Smash Bros. Brawl. This is not the first or even second game that has come out called Super Smash Bros. It is the third one with the other two being for the Nintendo 64 and the Nintendo Gamecube. A lot of people might say "Hold on! Do I need to play those other ones first because I haven't!" Dont worry! You can play Super Smash Bros. Brawl without ever having play the original two games so there is no problem for both old timers like me and new players that have never held the controller before! But us old timers will probably jsut beat the new players. Sorry that's just the way it goes! haha!

Now don't get confused if you buy the game and Sonic the Hedgehog is not available to select for fighting. See, you have to unlock him in the game. Game companies put secrets into games that us hard core gamers call "unlockables." But maybe Nintendo is still fighting with Sega and that is why Sonic the Hedgehog has to be unlocked. haha! Here's a Metal Steve game tip. The fastest way to unlock Sonic the Hedgehog is by clearing the "Classic Mode" 10 times with 10 different characters. But that's a secret and I don't know if Nintendo wants anyone to know about that! So we'll just keep that betwee you and me. Dont' tell! haha! I don't want to get in trouble for spilling all of Nintendo's deep dark secrets.

Now that you know how to unlock Sonic the Hedgehog I can move on. Let's talk about what this game is exactly. Super Smash Bros. Brawl is a fighting game where every single Nintendo character ever created fights in all the Nintendo games ever created. Well almost all of them. Nintendo might have forgot to put some in. Like I said "Hey where's Duck Hunt!" but that's OK because they need to keep something for the next Super Smash Bros. game! haha! Four peole can play at once and to beat the game you have to win the battles by being the best fighter., or "The Last Man STanding" to put it that way! "CAN YOU BEAT THE OTHERS?"

Nintendo knows that everybody likes to play games their own way, so they were nice enough to put not two or three but FOUR different ways to play. Yes you read that right. FOUR ways to play. You can hold the Wii controller three different ways or you can use a Gamecube controller. Dont' worry, though, because they all work well. I like to use a Gamecube controller because that's what work sfor me, but if that's not your thing that's cool! Some people hate the Gamecube and think it's for kids only but those people are idiots! haha!

You might think "Hey Steve, who else can I play as in this game"?" Well I'm glad you were kind enough to ask! You can play as pretty much every Nintendo character you can think of. There's Mario, Pikachu, Donkey Kong, and even some weird ones you might not know about like the dude from Pikmin and the "guy" from Metroid. I put "guy" in quotations because that "He" is really a "She" which is something a lot of people don't know. And here's another Metal Steve secret. You can even play as Solid Snake from the Metal Gear games. But like Sonic the Hedgehog you have to unlock Solid Snake. That's top secret info straight from me to you. And I should tell you the best way to unlock him. Just play the Metal Gear level over and over and soon Solid Snake will be unlocked. You were probably thinking "Why do they have this Metal Gear level in this game? That's crazy!" But now you know! haha. I also like Solid Snake because his game is called METAL GEAR and I love METAL!

I know, I know. I haven't talked about if the game is good or not. Well don't worry, my faithful fans. This game is totally amazing. It has the best graphics on the Nintendo Wii. It's like Nintendo said "Let's pull out all the stops!" and used every single bit availale on the Nintendo Wii. Remember I told you the Super Nintendo Entertainment System or "SNES" as hard core gamers call it was 16-bits? Well prepare to be blown away because the Wii has at least 10 times the amount of bits! That's a lot of horsepower. It might not be as powerful as the Playstaiton3 or Xbox-360 but after playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl you might even say "PLAYSTATION3 WHO?" haha! To summarize, Super Smash Bros. Brawl is a dream come true for people who like incredible fighting games.

So there you have it, another METAL REVIEW from your pal Metal Steve. I know you read my reviews because you want the best ther eis, without all the bull that other game reviews give you. I hope I delivered because I think I did! So until next time, this is Metal Steve sighing off on another geniune METAL REVIEW. Don't forget, as Metal Steve says: "ONLY THE TOP WARRIORS WILL BE STANDING AT THE END." Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games

2008-03-20T09:58:00.000-07:00

After my reviews of Super Mario World for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System and Sonic the Hedgehog for the Sega Genesis you might be saying to yourself, "Wow! This guy only likes older games. I wonder if he even knows about the new games!" haha! But don't worry my faithful fans because Metal Steve is a real gamer and plays everything, even the new games that you may not have heard of befroe. My newest METAL REVIEW is about Sonic and Mario at the Olympic Games which is out on the Nintendo Wii. I can't admit that I really liked this game but keep reading and you will see why.

Let me first give some history on why this game was even made. Sony and Microsoft both have really powerful systems out called the Playstation3 and the Xbox-360 and Nintendo has a system called The Nintendo Wii that is not as powerful. So NIntendo knew they had to do something special. They called Sega and were like, "Hey guys, we need your help to take down the competition. You know what that means, it's time to team up with our two best characters and take down the competition!" So Sega and Nintendo formed a team and put Sonic the Hedgehog and Mario in the same game. They decided to make it an Olympics game because that is the most popular thing in the world and everyone loves the Olympics. They were like, "What can we do to make sure this is a game that can topple Playstation3 and Xbox-360? Set it at the Olympics!"

OK now that we have the history of the game ou tof the way, it is time to move onto my METAL REVIEW of the game. I don't really like the game because it is pretty much just swinging the controller really fast to get first in running races and swimming. It gets kind of tiring and my arms hurt. So I don't really like that. There was a game for the Nintendo Entertaniment System called "TRACK AND FIELD" that made you push the buttons really fast in order to win races, but that was more fun than swinging the controller back and forth. I know you're probably saying "Hey Steve you're just lazy" but I assure you that it's not just because it's tiring that I don't like it. It's because it's just not fun. And that's a Metal Steve promise, which is as good as gold!

My girlfriend Samantha likes Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games a lot and that is the one reason why I keep the game in my collection. I would trade it and get something more my style but no, my girlfriend likes it and plays it a lot. But that's OK because when she plays the gaem and shakes really fast I like watching her. "If you know what I mean!" wink! haha! She had a couple friends from work over and they played it and I was just sitting and drinking a beer while watching them and thinking to myself "Now I see why Nintendo and Sega made this game! Perverts!" haha! But hey, can you blame them? Samantha doesn't like to play games that much but when she plays Sonic and Mario at the Olympic Games I just sit back and thinking "AWESOME!"

So that is Metal Steve's METAL REVIEW of Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games. If you're a hard core gamer like me you probably will not like it but if you have a girlfriend she will probably like it and you will like watching her shake the controller. haha! So until next time, this is Metal Steve signing off. Remember. As Metal Steve says: "SOMETIMES IT'S MORE FUN TO WATCH THAN PLAY!" haha! Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Super Mario World

2008-03-19T09:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I wrote my METAL REVIEW of Sonic the Hedgehog for Sega Genesis. You might have been thinking to yourself "I guess Metal Steve is just a Sega Genesis fan." Wrong! haha! True gamers like myself stick to all systems, not just one so that is why today I am proud to presnet you with my METAL REVIEW of Super Mario World for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. I'm going to call it the SNES, because that is what true gamers refer to it as, so don't get confused when I say SNES and think I'm speaking a different language or soemthing. It just stands for Super Nintendo Entertainment System.

Super Mario World is a really amazing game that used all 16 bits of the SNES. See, the SNES was known as a "16-bit" game machine. You can think of bits as sort of like horsepower in the car. Like maybe your car has 500 horsepower. Well the SNES had 16 bits of power which might not sound like a lot to you now but at the time it was totally incredible. Some game makers weren't that good and sometimes only used 8 or 10 bits, but the reason Super Mario World is so good is it used not 14, not 15, but all 16 bits the SNES had to offer! Real gamers like mysefl were totally blown away! haha!

The Super Mario games are made by the same guy who made Donkey Kong and every other Nintendo game ever made. I can't remember his name, but he's a genius! He must have told the people at Nintendo, "Hey guys the other company's might only use 10 bits, but we've got to use all 16. We have to go the extra mile for our fans." And that's what they did. Super Mario World is the best game on the SNES. Hands down!

You might be asking, why is the game so good? Well I'm glad you asked! haha! Super Mario World has really great graphics and has special features, like Mario has a cape that allos him to fly high into the air. You can also ride a monster named Yoshi who can eat enemies and spit them back out. As if that wasn't enough, there are a lot of levels and the game will take not hours, but weeks to beat. I spent all Summer playing it back when I was a kid. My mom said, "Hey Steve time for dinner!" and I was like "Not now Mom! I'm playing Super Mario World!" She had to bring my dinner to me on a tray to get my to eat it! haha!

Super Mario World is the reason Nintendo was albe to survive after Sega beat them with the Sega Genesis and Sonic the Hedgehog. If it weren't for Super Mario World Nintendo would have gone out of business and there would be no Nintendo today. So it's a good thing Super Mario World was so awesome or gamers would have missed out on any more Nintendo systems and games!

Well, I hope you all enjoyed my METAL REVIEW of Super Mario World for the SNES. I hope I didn't confuse any of you by calling it the SNES but that's what real gamers call it and I'm one of the top real gamers in the world! haha! So until next time, this is Metal Steve signing off. Remember, as Metal Steve says: "DINNER CAN WAIT BUT AWESOME GAMES WAIT FOR NOBODY!" Later!

Metal Steve Reviews Sonic the Hedgehog

2008-03-18T08:52:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my review of the Sega Genesis classic Sonic the Hedgehog! I wanted to start my reviews off right with something awesome and I said to myself, "Hey Steve, what game would be perfect for the first review?" It didn't take long for me to realize the answer was crystal clear. Sonic the Hedgehog for Sega Genesis it is. So sit back and get ready for Metal Steve's METAL REVIEW of Sonic the Hedgehog!

Sonic the Hedgehog came out when I was still just a kid. The story goes like this. At the time when Sonic the Hedgehog came out Sega was in a fierce battle with Nintendo to see what game system was the best. Nintendo was winning because Mario was so popular. The guys at Sega knew they had to come up with something special so they created the Sonic the Hedgehog who is the fastest game characte rof all time. See, Mario was kind of slow but Sonic the Hedgehog is so fast that Sega had to make a special chip for the Sega Genesis that allowed the game to be so fast called "Blast Processing." Man I wish Sega put "Blast Processing" in the Dreamcast because that's probably why it didn't beat the Playstation2!

OK, now let's get on with the review! The moment you all have been waiting for! haha! So Sonic the Hedgehog came out and it was so original and awesome that it made the Sega Genesis win the system war with Nintendo. Sonic the Hedgehog has incredible graphics that were the best people had ever seen at the time. If you look back now you might say, Hey Steve these graphics aren't all that great! I know I know, but at the time they were the best people had ever seen. You've got to remember that this was before games coudl do "3D" so for a "2D" game Sonic the Hedgehog was amazing. Also, it was fast, the fastest game people had ever played. It had a lot of neat enemies to fight including the evil Dr. Robotnick who you had to face at the end of ever level. Let me just summarize by saying that Sonic the Hedgehog's awesome graphics and speed made it beat Mario and Nintendo!

Wow!Writing about Sonic the Hedgehog brings back so many memories! haha! I can still remember that title screen where Sonic the Hedgehog comes out of the circle and waves his finger at you. I always thought he was saying I was naughty or something, like he was disapointed in me. "Hey Steve I know about the Penthouses you have stashed under the bed. You better hope I don't tell your Mom!" haha!

OK guys that is my METAL REVIEW of Sonic the Hedgehog for SEga Genesis. I hope you liked reading it as much as I liked writing it. If you have a Sega Genesis and you don't have Sonic the Hedgehog you should get it and play it. The games that came after it, Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Sonic the Hedgehg 3, Sonic the Hedgehog and Knuckles are all also really good and worth playing. You should just get them all! haha! So until next time this is Metal Steve signing off. Remember! As Metal Steve says, "NOBODY CAN CATCH THE FASTEST ON THE PLANET!" Later!

Welcome to Metal Steve's Game Riffs

2008-03-17T23:30:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody. Steve Dewitt here, or as my friends call me "Metal Steve" haha! I wanted to make a sit where everbody could come to read about video games from someone who really knows what they are talking about! I have been playing games since I was a young kid and totally know what I am talking about!

Now you might say Hey Steve, what makes you worthy of my time? Well I'm glad you asked. See, unlike those other game sites, Metal Steve's Game Riffs is madeby a true gamer for true gamers! Are you tired me reading those web sites wehre they just give a big score and type blah blah blah blah and you're like scratching your head saying "HUH?" Me, too! That's why I created this site. I'm into every type of game not just the new stuff, so whether you like old games or new games or anything in between I've gotcha covered!

I'm a busy man working full time and playing in a metal band, but I am going to be dedicated to updateing this site as often as I can. I write really good and I'm not going to use "L33t" speak or anything like that, so you don't have to worry! haha!

Oh yeah I should give you a quick update on who Metal Steve even is! I'm a rocker in a band called Mighty Talon and when I'm not rockin out with the boys I like to play video games and spend time with my lady Samantha. I also work full time but I don't sleep that much so I still have time to play games. Plus I'm a good writer and like to write about games so this is like a match made in heaven!

All right then guys, Metal Steve is out for now but tune in next time when I bring one of my METAL REVIEWS with me. I don't like game scores because like what do they even mean, right? But I'll tell you straight on what games suck and what games don't. So that's all for now, but remember, as Metal Steve says: "KEEP YOUR EYES ON WHAT'S IMPORTANT AND KEEP THE METAL ALIVE!" Later!