Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Metal Steve Reviews Super Mario Galaxy 2

I'm sorry for my absense, faithful fans, but your old buddy Metal Steve's life has been a total whirlwind lately LITERALLY. haha! First, my band Mighty Talon might be on the verge of a breakup thanks to our stpuiod lead singer "Platinum" Daniel getting married. He called me the other day and was like, 'Hey Steve I think I can't come to practiec this week because my wife wants me to be home with her" and I was like "WHAT THE HELL?" There is a saing rap guys like to use that I think is approprriate here: "BRO'S BEFORE HO'S." Well, when I told that to "Platinum" Daniel he got all mad and was like "Steve come on man don't call Donna a ho" and I wasl ike "Later!" and hung up on him. But the thing is nobody cna really sing like "Platinum" Daniel so I don't know what to do now. Maybe you the fans can advise me! What about Mighty Talon as an all instrucmental band? Would you like that? "CAST YOUR VOTE, MY LEGIENS!" haha!

Well, you are pobably wondering how I'm able to write a METAL REVIEW of a game that's not even in stores yet? Well let's just say your fearless leader Metal Steev has a trick or two up his slevse and a contact at a certain big video game company that rhymes with Intendo! haha! So yes, the wait is over, I am hereby proud to unveil the first review ever of Super Mario Galxy 2 and not just a review, but a METAL REVIEW at that! You won't find a review in your copy of Gamepro or Nintendo Power, I will tell you that! haha! At least not yet because I'm sure at some point they will get what we in the video game industyr call "Review Copies" of the game but for now gameriffs.blogspot.com is your only place to find any indpeth info9rmation about Super Mario Galaxy 2. So let's go on with this already! "TAKE IT FROM THE TOP!"

Now I must warn you that Ninteodo is going to be totally PISSED that I'm going to blow the lid off this game, so to speak but thats what happens when you are the top video game writer. You have to take one for the team! But did you know Ninteodo is really run by gangsters from Japan? It's true! They are led by the Japanese gang called Yakuza and Yakuza might see my METAL REVIEW and say "We need to getthis guy for spililng the beans!" and so if you don't hear from me maybe Yakuza has gotten me! Also Nintendo has gangsters here in the USA too! It's the truth and its kind of scary! At E3 years ago, which is this big event where all the vidoe game journalist learn about new video games Nintendo brougth out this big black guy named Reggie who cussed at the crowd and scared every one. He was like "Fuck You my name is Reggie!" and told everyone he was going to kick thier ass! This is real you can find a You Tube video to see it if you want! When I heard that I wasl ike, "Whoa, I thought Nitnendo was a kid's company" but now I know better. They are gangsters! haha!

So gangsters like money, right? "WE'RE ONLY IN IT FOR THE CASH BABY!" I think that's how a rap song goes. Well Super Mario Galaxy the originla one was the biggest selling game on Wii and Nintendo said "Let's make another one and make lot's of money!" but the guy who made it named Miyamoto who is the wordl's best video gamde designer wanted to do something new. But his boss said "We need to make money or Yakuza will get mad" so he was forced to make another one. Lucky for us he did though because Super Mario Galaxy 2 is the best game Nitnendo has ever made. If you take all of the good stuff from the Super Mario Galaxy and double or tripe it you have Super Mario Galaxy 2. The game takes place in space like the first Super Mario Galayx but there are all kinds of new planetts to go to and new people to see.

Now I don'tw antto spoil too much for you but I will tell you one big suprise that Nintendo hasn't told anyone yet. In SuperMario Galaxy 2 there is a return of a certain green friend from some old games. You are probably like "But Steve Luigi was in teh last game!" No I'm not takling about Luigi! I don't wnat to give it away but let's just say it is a certain dinosaur that you can ride and eat bad gusy with and lucky for you he can live in space just like Mario. Seriously how do thees guys not need air? "IT'S A MEE MAGICAL MARIO! I CAN A BREATH IN SPACE!" haha! You heard it here first folks. I bet your copy of Gameprop didn't have that juicy bit of information in it! "METAL STEVE TO THE RESCUE!"

The game is really long and will keep you bussy for a really long time. My secret friend at Nitnenod gave me the game almost a week ago and I have been woking very hard to finish it and finally I got most of the stars. Some of them are kind of imposssible though and I have to say "MIYAMOTO WHY DID YOU MAKE THIS PARTS SO HARD?!?!" haha! But the guy is a genius so I wont question hsi work. Since I haven't gotten every start I don't know if it unlocks anything special if you get every star but I think it probably does. But since I'm so good at video games and I haven't gotten every star it will probably be hard for average players to get every star. But my advice is keep trying. 'ONLY THE WEAK GIVE UP!" haha!

So now you have read the first review of Super Mario Galaxy 2 and lucky for you it was a METAL REVIEW from your most trutsted source Metal Steve. Just remember you king Metal Steve will never lead you asatray and my final word on this game is "GET $50 AND GO BUY THIS GMAE THE DAY IT COMES OUT IN STORES OR YOU WILL BE SORRY!" Yes the game is that good. Miyamoto has out done himself even if he was forced to maek this game for money and lucky for us we now have the best Nintedno game ever made to play. Syure it might seem impossible to get every last star but I have a feeling that when you do it'll be worth it. Remember, as your friend Metal Steve says, "IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCEED TRY TRY AGAIN AND YOU WILL GET EVERY LAST STAR!" Now I'm off to get the last few stars myself so I'm signing off. And hopefully Yakuza or Reggie don't get me! haha! Later!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Metal Steve Reviews Muscle March

Buckle your seatbleslts everyone because Metal Steve has a crazy tale that has transpired since last we met in my METAL REVIEW of Muramasa The Demon Blade for the Nintendoi Wii. You see, not only did I break up with my girlfriend or should I say EX-GLIRFRIEND Samantha but now I need to find a new drummer for my band Mighty Talon because I kicked our drummer Eric out of the band! A lot has transpired since the last 24 hours folks and Metal Steve is here to tell you the tale but hey I know you come here for METAL REVEIWS too so your pal Metal Steve will quickly tell you what transpired then get on with a METAL REVIEW for you! Okay, so let's do this. "SIR PLEASE RELAY WHAT HAPPENED MY KING!" And indeed I will! haha!

Last night Samantha told me she's sad she can't get pregnant after trying so much and I was like, "hey baby, I guess you girls just can't swim" and she got all upset and told me I wasn't being suppoirutifve and that I was going to make a terrible father. So that got me angry and I wsa like "Youi know what, why don't you go make a baby yourself then!" and then told her that hse was probably the problem because I can get plenty of chicks pregnant if I wanted. She told me to get out and yeah, well, whatever. You know the rest. No need to bore you with the detail of what transpired beyond that! haha! Just jsut say that your pal Steve is know on the market so if your girolfriend or wife breaks up with you to go for a rock star guitar player in the band Mighty Talon don't come crawling to me in tears because you hvae been warned! haha! LOL!

By now you might be saying "Whoa, Steve, where is the METAL REVIEW you promised us. Don't leave suhanging here!" and to that I say, "Patience is a virtew my loyal subjects just hang tight I'm getting to it!" haha! So I wnet to crash at my drummer Eric's apartment and he was playing his Nintendo Wii when I got there but what my eyes witness, my loayal subjects I cannot even dare describe. But because you come to yoru pal Metal Steve for his famous METAL REVIEWS I will be brave nad describe the horrible sights my eyes saw.

Eric was playing this game called Muslce March where you have to mke these gay muscle guys march through walls. Now beofre you get upset nad say "Steve, don't call people gay that's mean!" remember that I totally support gays and if I could vote I'd totally vote to let them even get married! Mighty Talon even played at a gay bar once and to the gay's credit they didn't even try to have sex with any of us because they knew we were straight and liked chicks! So you can say that Steve is even a supporter of gays. But that doens't mean I want to watch some gay msucle guys run through walls.

I was like "Eric let's play something else" but he was totally hypnotised by those guay muscle guys as they ran through walls and I was like "Eric, dude you've got to stop man, you can't watch this stuff any longer." Its not that Eric was playing a gay game that got me mad it's thatt the game is totally stupid and you just make gay muslce guys run through walls and that is totally stupid. I was like, "Who made this game?" haha! It turns out Namco Bandai made the game and even though I respect them for making other good games Muscle March is enguhgh to make me thinkg "Whoa, there si something in the water at Namco Bandai that is making them make sucky games about muslce guys who are gay running throguh walls!"

I told Eric he could choose between his precious Muscle March or playing drums for Mighty Talon and he was like "Steve you ca'tn be serious" and I was like, "Oh yes I am." Well, you can probably guess why Eric is no longer the drummer for Mithy Talon! haha! "WE ONLY WANT REAL MUSICIANS, NOT FREAKS." He was like "Nobody would kcik me out of a band for playing a game" and I was like "Watch me!" and slammed the door before going to my singer "Platinum" Daniel's house to crash. When I told him that I kicked Eric out of the band he was like "You did the right thing Steve, we dnon't need a guy like that behind the kit." haha!

So now you have read my METAL REVIEW of why Muslce March for the Nintendo Wii is a bad game and shouldn't be played. Even if you are gay and like looking at gay muscle guys I would say to avoids this game beacuse all you do is make gay msuachle guys run through walls and that is totally stupid! Namco Bandai should be ashamed of themslelves for making such a sucky game, but hey I guess they thought that many gay guys would like Muslce March but I don't think any self respecting gay guy would play a game like Muscle March so I thinkg you should avoid it, evne if you are gay! Remember, as your pal Metal Steve says, "BEING GAY IS OKAY, BUT PLAYING A SUCKY GAME JUST BECHAUSE IT IS GAY IS NOT A GOOD IDEA!" haha! Well, until nex titme, this is your pal Metal Steve signing off. And watch out ladies because Metal Stev eis officially on the prowl! LOL! Later!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Metal Steve Reviews Muramasa The Demon Blade

Hey everyone. Your faithful captain Methal Steve is back and ready for more action! haha! I bet you were like, "Whoa, Steve musthave died or something becaues he's never posting on Game Riffs any more" and your RIGHT! I am a zombie RAAAAH STEVE WILL EATH YORU BRAINS SO LOOKOUT EVERYONE! RAAAAAH! BRAINS! Lol! Just kidding, I'm not a zombie but I will still eat your brain methaphorically speaking with the greatness of my new METAL REVIEW of the Nintendo Wii game Muramasa The Demon Blade. So get ready my victims of zombei apocalpyse because Steve is here to BRING BACK THE MTAL. "LET'S DO THIS RIGHT THE FIRST TIME CAPTIAN!!" haha!

But hold up a minute, my faithful fans. You are probably like "Steve, what's going on? Why haveh you apandoned me!?" Don't cry my dear friens because the truth of the matter is Steve was too busy to playvideo games to write reviews. What has your vaforite game reviewer been up to? EATINB RAINS OF CORUSE! haha. Just kidding! LoL! No, I was busy with my band Mighty Talon working on a new blum that may or may not be out in stores this year. And of coruse I've been busy with my girilfriend Samantha who if all goes accoring to plan will be what the rap guys' call my "Baby's Mama" very soon! So fear not, loyal subjects of KINGDOM STEVE, your king has not been wasting his time. METAL AND SEX FOREVER!! haha!

So let's get back on topic here because I do'nt have all day here and neither do you, although you aren't in a band like me or have as much tiem in bed with hot chicks like me. They don't call me "ALL NIGHT STEVE" for nothing, let me tell yuou! haha! So anyway Muramasa the Demon Blade is a new Nintendo Wii game that appearls to us "OLD SCHOOL GAMERS" like me because it has amazing 2D graphics. The makers of the game had to get special persimmon from Nintendo to make such good graphics. The guy who made Muramasa the Demon Blade called Nintendo and was like, "Hey, sorry to beat you at your own game guys but we have this new game and it looks beter than yours! But let us release it anyway OK?" haha! But Nintendo took one look at the game and was like, "Whoa, video game players must paly this because this is incredible. You have our permission" and now you know how the guys who made Muramasa The Demon Balde got away with making such a good looking game.

But one thing that is importaht ist hat Muramasa The Demon Blade has 2D graphics. I think Ive explained this before but just in case I'll let you know that games come in two types, 2D and 3-D. The 2D games are the kind us "OLD FOGEYS" grue up playing, you know stuff like Mario before Suepr Mario 64 and old games like that. 3D is stuff like Super Mario 64 and everyting after that because Nintendo invented 3D games with Super Mario 64 and everyone else was like "Whoa guys, tha'ts awesome can we do that?" and now eveyrone does 3D games although they have to pay Nintendo a royalty to make 3D games becasue Nintendo owns the patenent on 3D.

Muraumasa the Demon Blade takesp lace in Ancient Japan where there are samurais and ninjas at every turn. "LOOK OUT A NINJA IS CREEPING DOWN RIGHT BEHIND YOU TO KILL YOU AAAAH!" haha! I made you look diden't I? Muramasa the Demon Blade is a great 2D game with samurais and ninjas that want you dead but there's no reason to worry. You might say, "How can I stand up to ninjas and samurais?" nad the answer is you have THE MURAMASA DEMON BLADE to slash them all down with! It would be cool if there were nunchicks you could use too but you can't have it all.

WEll I hope you enjoyed my METAL REVIEW of Muramasa the Demon Blade for the Nintedno Wii and know why it is the best 2D game on the Nintendo Wii! I hope yo can forgive you pal Metal Steve for being away for so long buty like I said I was busy making metal and ahem "GETTING BUSY." Not only will I soon rule the record stors with my new CD soon but I might be ruling the father of the year charts too if I can get Samantha pregnant soon! haha! I don't knwo if I even want to be a dad but Samantha wants a baby and plus I heard woman's breast get bigger when they are pregnent so you know what I say to that? "BONUS!" So until next time my faithfull followers, this is your commander in chief Metal Steve signing off. Remember, as Metal Steve says: "NINJAS AND SAMURAIS ARE NO MATCH FOR THE DEMNO BLADE!" Oh and one more thing. "BRAAAAAINS METAL STEVE WANTS TO EATHTYOUR BRAAAAAIINNNS!!!" haha! Later!